For me I always wanted to be married. I also wanted to be a successful businesswoman. I wanted children. He gave me the desires of my heart and then some and there are still unanswered prayers in my life, that I bring to him. I\u2019m a continuous work in progress. But I\u2019m telling you, he is the source. When I depart and get caught up in myself and am prideful, that\u2019s when I need his help the most. He has given me unconditional love for my husband. He has broken down so many of my protective walls that Satan had convinced me I needed. I hope I\u2019m challenging you here. Where is your personal relationship with your creator. You must start here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next area I want to talk about is how are you feeling about yourself? Your purpose? Where are you putting your time? Do you like yourself? What are you doing with your time that makes you feel stuck and that is not rewarding? Maybe you\u2019ve been doing something, and it served you at some point but it\u2019s no longer serving you? But maybe you don\u2019t want to offend anyone, it\u2019s so important for you to be liked you continue to do it, because you don\u2019t want to upset anyone. How you feel about yourself matters. Where in your life have you become a people pleaser? Assess yourself right here. Where are you bored? Where are you doing something that it\u2019s making you miserable but it\u2019s easier to keep doing it because you feel it\u2019s too hard to change? You have got to take 100% responsibility for you. That\u2019s what we are doing right here. What I\u2019m talking about here is a significant piece to the puzzle of your marriage. How are you feeling about yourself? Are you stuck? Are you unhappy? No one knows the answers to these questions better than yourself. Where have you been lying to yourself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We cannot change what we do not acknowledge. I think the biggest trap we can get into is doing the same thing even if we are miserable because change is scary. What if the new and different doesn\u2019t work out. I\u2019m here to tell you, from my own personal experience, my marriage was dead because I was dead inside. I was bored, I was at a place where I had been a people pleaser in different areas of my life and had shrunk myself to someone I didn\u2019t even know. Is this sounding familiar about yourself? This is exactly where God found me. And the exciting piece is this is where everything began to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-Assessment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I want you to take out that journal and write all the things you are putting your time into and how much time you\u2019re putting into those things. Now I want you to rate each one of those things. A 10 means you get a ton of fulfillment to a 1 meaning it\u2019s an obligation and you wish you weren\u2019t doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now the next thing I want you to do is write down all the things you like to do. Write down the things you\u2019re good at. Are you a person who loves to plant and garden? Are you a person who loves to write? Do you love to speak? Are you good at entertaining? Teaching? Cooking? What are you uniquely good at? Write the things you used to be good at that you don\u2019t do anymore. I believe God has made us uniquely good at things. A lot of us are putting ourselves doing things we don\u2019t like because someone asked us. We were people pleasing. This is an assessment of who we are and where we are putting our time. You may think this is being self-indulgent. I don\u2019t think so. All progress starts by telling the truth. And telling the truth starts by telling ourselves the truth. The reason I personally felt so dead inside is because I had lost myself. When I assessed my life and realized some of the things I was doing, I saw that God had a bigger and better plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Spend time assessing, get rid of the things you are doing that are no longer serving you. Is ok to say no and to do something different. Figure out what God wants to show you, where to use your gifts and talents. Take your eyes off your spouse and stop believing somehow it is his fault you are dissatisfied with your life. What a burden this puts on him. And what\u2019s weird is, men don\u2019t usually know you are doing it; we don\u2019t even realize we are doing it. But on some level, it works. If it\u2019s their fault we are miserable and dead, then they should do something about it. That\u2019s a never-ending loop, that doesn\u2019t work. We have this slow simmer of irritation. If it\u2019s their fault, we don\u2019t have to accept responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Are you willing to spend time evaluating yourself? Are you willing to pray about it and ask God to show you, you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Play Life Offensively<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
As we move through this series on marriage, I continuously ask you questions. I want you to learn about yourself. Sometimes in life we can get stuck in a place of scarcity and fear. We start playing the game of life to not lose instead of looking at this incredible life that is a gift and creating an offense. I believe that\u2019s how God has designed us. I believe he wants us to be optimistic, grateful, and confident. He wants us to use the gifts and talents that make us unique. When you look at your children, don\u2019t you want the best for them? I believe that\u2019s what God wants for us. This self-assessment can be a game changer. God took me from a place of being dead inside to a place of being excited to get up in the morning. He showed me areas of my life that I needed to look at and make some changes. It was scary at times, but each step I took I felt a little more alive and gained a little more confidence. It wasn\u2019t my husband\u2019s fault I had gotten to that place; it was my own doing. He was just my fall guy. The more I journaled about things I was doing and was miserable at, I figured out the things I needed to leave and start my own thing. This series is a product of a change I made. I started it from scratch, no training, but I took a leap of faith. It\u2019s given me a place to use some of the things God has given me to use. He\u2019s grown me through this process. My husband is totally supportive. He knows how happy it makes me. I have something separate from him to pour myself into. That is my hope and prayer for you as we are on this journey. God has a unique plan for you too!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A Loving, Thriving, Passionate Marriage is Possible<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The biggest thing God showed me was that this desire to have a loving, thriving, and passionate marriage was possible. But I had to do the work on me as he showed me my own stuff. He called me to trust him. My biggest benefit is my marriage is now thriving. My husband is my partner and my friend. I\u2019m doing things I absolutely love. I still have setbacks, but I feel I have purpose, I feel God is using me. I\u2019m happier with me. I feel like I\u2019m living proof change is possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, these are the action steps from this installment. Evaluate your spiritual life. What new step do you need to take? Are you willing to take it? The second step is doing a personal evaluation of yourself. Getting honest with where you are feeling dead. Where you are people pleasing? Where you are complaining and blaming? Write it all down. Look at it with fresh eyes. Where do you need to do something different? Write down some of the ideas you come up with. You know if I\u2019m speaking to you right now. Continue on this journey with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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