{"id":152,"date":"2023-02-10T17:32:25","date_gmt":"2023-02-10T23:32:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/?p=152"},"modified":"2023-02-18T11:42:27","modified_gmt":"2023-02-18T17:42:27","slug":"comforting-our-friends-in-a-time-of-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/2023\/02\/10\/comforting-our-friends-in-a-time-of-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Comforting Our Friends in a Time of Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I once heard Dr. Schuller, of California\u2019s Crystal Cathedral say, \u201cthe hardest part of living to a ripe old age is burying your friends.\u201d While I am not yet, a \u201cripe old age,\u201d I have already buried my share of family and friends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to Say and How to Help<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In general, we struggle with what to say and how to help someone who is experiencing the death of a loved one. While there are no pat answers or eloquent words of wisdom that can ever change the circumstances or remove the hurt from our friend\u2019s life. There are things we need to understand that will guide us toward being the effective comforters we want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Basic DO\u2019S & DON\u2019TS<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

DO<\/strong> respond in a timely manner with a card, a call, or a visit. One of the hardest parts of reaching out is the first contact. Once you\u2019ve made the initial contact, you\u2019ll find follow-up calls are much easier.    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DON\u2019T<\/strong> try to minimize their pain with comments like; \u201cIt\u2019s probably for the best.\u201c \u201cThings could be worse.\u201c \u201cYou\u2019re strong. You\u2019ll get over it soon.\u201d Comments like these might be an attempt to offer hope; but to a hurting person they sound as though you don\u2019t comprehend the enormity of what happened or how they feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DO<\/strong> allow them all the time they need to deal effectively with the phases of their loss. DON\u2019T<\/strong> put timetables on their path. Your inference that they are not coping well hinders their progress. There are no timelines for recovery, healing, or restoration following a loss don\u2019t compare their experience with someone else in a similar situation. Each person handles his or her difficult times differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DO<\/strong> use your gifts and talents to help consider what you enjoy doing and what you\u2019re good at. DON\u2019T<\/strong> put yourself under pressure to perform tasks that you really don\u2019t want to do. Use your skills and talents and function within your gifts to reach out to others. If you are not a good cook don\u2019t feel you must bring a meal. Think of ways you can help that are unique to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DO<\/strong> continue to keep in touch, offering support, letting them know you\u2019re praying for them. Send thoughtful notes with encouraging words. DON\u2019T<\/strong> ignore their needs after the immediate crisis has subsided. Stay in touch. After a crisis, our lives go back to normal but the lives of our hurting friends will never be the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DO<\/strong> remember especially hard times. DON\u2019T<\/strong> forget anniversaries, birthdays, death dates, and holidays. Your friends live with their loss on a daily basis. There is nothing normal about their lives. Show your continued support by remembering difficult days. Send a card, make a call, or invite them to spend time with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DON\u2019T<\/strong> say, \u201cIs there anything I can do to help?\u201c \u201cIf there is anything you need, give me a call. DO<\/strong> be specific with what you want to do to help. Your presence is far more important than your words. Be aggressive with your willingness to help. Ask yourself, \u201cWhat would I need if I were in a similar situation?\u201d Offer specific things you can do for them like: <\/p>\n\n\n\n