The answer to our sin problem, our self-centered problem, is accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior. He is our greatest example of selfless love. As we spend time with him in prayer and studying his word, he transforms us through the power of the Holy Spirit. He transforms our self-centered mindset to an other-focused mindset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember when I said I thought my role was to change my husband to be the man I believed God wanted him to be. Where did that come from? No, I didn\u2019t get up each morning with that thought, but I asked God to search my heart and show me. I want a thriving passionate marriage and he showed me, my me-centered attitude. That was the wake-up call.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I realized I was asking myself questions like: \u201cWhy is he doing this to me?\u201d Or the other question: \u201cWhy does he always\u2026.?\u201d (I know he knows that bothers me). To illustrate this, I recently cleared out the dishwasher, and he left a bowl and glass on the counter. My go-to question is: \u201cWhy does he do that? I am not his mother.\u201d Sounds silly right? But we do it all the time. We have these default questions and the answers to these un-useful questions that bring distance in our relationships and we wonder why we are irritated with our spouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you look at my underlying motive, this is about me. I\u2019m the judge and the jury. He has no idea what is going on in my head. I\u2019m over here irritated about a cup and bowl left on the counter. I\u2019m telling you, my marriage is the reflection of my heart. And my heart can be deceitful. That\u2019s why I stress this all the time. If you are getting your answers from the world, they will tell you to trust yourself. If you feel it, it must be true. What a lie! I\u2019m learning that trusting in myself, trusting my assumptions are not the answer. The Bible tells us to not lean on our own understanding for a reason. It is faulty!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My little example is proof. My husband does nice things for me all the time. Just yesterday I walked out to my car and backed it out of the driveway to go play tennis and I had a tire that was completely flat, I pulled back in the driveway, come back into the house and let my husband know I have a flat tire. He drove me to the tennis courts, and I got a ride home with a friend. When she dropped me off, there is my husband fixing the flat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am telling you our hearts are deceitful. My default questions, you know, the same old ugly questions, our thoughts and questions can be our own worst enemies. You want to change your mindset from a self-centered mindset to an other-focused mindset, it\u2019s about our hearts. I can\u2019t stress this enough. The world\u2019s answers are not to be trusted. If\u00a0you study God\u2019s truths and allow the Holy Spirit to guide your actions, it is the answer to that thriving passionate marriage. We must be truthful with ourselves. Your relationship with your maker is the answer. This is not religion, this is about relationship. It is a daily battle with myself: the flesh and the spirit. So, the thing is, we will have these thoughts and questions. But what I\u2019m learning is the better the question, the better the answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to give you two simple questions that can stop this cycle, Are you ready? If there is anything you get from this topic, remember these two questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
WHAT ELSE COULD THIS MEAN (coming from a place of love, not a place of self protection)? And, GOD PLEASE SHOW ME \u2026WHAT ELSE COULD THIS MEAN? And take a pause and let the answers come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve put together a list of more general empowering questions that will help us create a daily plan to have thriving passionate marriage or those close intimate relationships. I encourage you to pray on this! Create your own set of questions. Pick one that resonates with you and start with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. How can I strengthen my relationship with God and live out my faith in my marriage my close intimate relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Am I practicing love, patience, and forgiveness in my day-to-day interactions with my spouse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Are my actions aligned with biblical principles and values?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. How can I come from a place of love & support and encourage my spouse in every area of his life? (Or pick the area you know he is struggling with.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. How can I come from a place of love in my communication and understanding in my marriage?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. Where can I pray for my husband?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can you see how reflecting on these questions intentionally can contribute to personal and spiritual growth within our marriages or close intimate relationships? When we are left to what comes naturally you and I both know our words and assumptions cannot always be trusted; we can wound and not build up our spouse and cause less connection in our marriage. I feel marriage is God\u2019s great plan to make us more dependent on him. As Christ changes us, our marriage changes. It\u2019s the transforming of our minds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take the time to study yourself. Become aware of your assumptions and self-defeating questions that swirl around in your mind daily. Your relationship with the Lord is the secret to God giving you that thriving passionate marriage. I, too, am a work in progress. Here is that promise I hold onto: Philippians 1:6 (NIV).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me this gives me the assurance that God, who initiated a positive transformation in me, will continue to work in my life and in my marriage until the ultimate fulfillment in the day of Christ Jesus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This Valentine\u2019s Day installment is a heartfelt exploration of the transformative shift from a self-centered mindset to an other-centered mindset, especially within marriage and close relationships. Reflecting on my personal journey, I\u2019ve shared how I once believed my role in marriage was to change my spouse, only to realize that God used my marriage to change my own heart. By challenging my self-focused assumptions and embracing love as Christ loves, I\u2019ve highlighted the power of asking intentional, loving questions like \u201cWhat else could this mean?\u201d instead of defaulting to judgment or irritation. Through prayer, studying God\u2019s Word, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I\u2019ve encouraged you to cultivate deeper connections by focusing on our own growth and creating a Christ-centered focus in our relationships. This mindset shift, though challenging, will give you the desires you so desperately want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
NOTE: I did a 25-part series on Marriage from a Christian perspective. If you liked this and it resonated with you, I highly recommend you go back and review that series. It starts with \u201cMarriage unveiled: A Journey to Thriving Relationships<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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