{"id":3027,"date":"2026-06-28T17:42:09","date_gmt":"2026-06-28T22:42:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/?p=3027"},"modified":"2026-06-28T17:44:40","modified_gmt":"2026-06-28T22:44:40","slug":"4-ways-to-get-intimacy-and-connection-back-in-midlife-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/2026\/06\/28\/4-ways-to-get-intimacy-and-connection-back-in-midlife-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Ways to Get Intimacy and Connection back in Midlife Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Have you ever had a moment where you thought: \u201cI see it now, I know what thoughts I have been thinking that are not serving my marriage, they are thoughts causing distance between my husband and myself. I understand what I\u2019m doing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But your marriage still feels the same still distant not connected?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You\u2019re more aware now\u2028You\u2019re catching your thoughts. You\u2019re realizing the meaning you\u2019ve been assigning to those thoughts. But the connection?\u2028It hasn\u2019t shifted yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And now you\u2019re wondering:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t this feel different?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cAm I doing something wrong?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cWhy do I still feel disconnected?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here, I am addressing what happens after awareness and why knowing isn\u2019t the same as changing. Because this is where most women get stuck. And I don\u2019t want that to be you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There is always a gap between: awareness and embodiment. You can see the pattern,\u2028but still feel the old way. You can know the truth,\u2028but still react from habit. That doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not working. It means you\u2019re in the middle of transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And this is where most people quit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is something that took me a while to figure out. I remember my breakthrough moment when I knew that many of my thoughts were what was causing the distance in my marriage.&nbsp; I was so excited and I expected things to change quickly. But what I experienced was disappointment and at times discouragement. I started seeing my negative thoughts so clearly, and yet I would slip back so easily to what was familiar. I found myself reverting to shutting down inside; just wanting to get along to get along. I was co-existing in my marriage; feeling defeated\u2014and this is when God showed me my patterns. My thinking.\u2028The meaning I was assigning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I thought: \u201cOkay, I see it now. So, this should feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But it didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because I was still:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>defaulting to old reactions,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>slipping back into old stories, and<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>expecting quick change.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And God showed me something powerful: awareness opens the door, but repetition creates the change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The Truth Most People Miss<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here\u2019s what I want you to understand: insight does not equal transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You don\u2019t change your marriage by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>hearing something once,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>thinking about it, and<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>agreeing with it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You change it by practicing a new way of showing up. Because your brain is wired for what\u2019s familiar. So even if the meaning changes, your reactions may not\u2014yet. And that\u2019s okay. Because this is where you move from being a \u201cmeaning maker\u201d to being a \u201cpattern breaker.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Actually Create Change<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. Slow down your reaction time<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"> When something happens, don\u2019t rush past it. Pause and ask: \u201cWhat do I want to create here?\u201d Not: \u201cWhat do I feel?\u201d That one shift changes everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. Practice the new meaning (not just think it)<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s not enough to say:\u2028\u201cMaybe he does care\u2026\u201d You have to respond like that\u2019s true (act as if). That might look like staying open instead of shutting down. engaging instead of withdrawing, softening instead of protecting. This may feel scary; it did for me. It takes loving courage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. Expect it to feel unnatural at first<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is big. If it feels awkward, you\u2019re doing it right. Because you\u2019re interrupting a pattern\u2028you\u2019ve had for years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Stay consistent, not perfect<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You don\u2019t need to get it right every time. You just need to keep showing up differently. Because small shifts, repeated over time, create real connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Faith Reframe<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">God doesn\u2019t just reveal things to you; He walks you through changing them. Romans 12:2 addresses renewing your mind. But renewal isn\u2019t a moment, it\u2019s a process. And every time you choose openness over protection, truth over assumption, and connection over withdrawal, you are partnering with God in that process\u2014which is the only way to make lasting change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Reflection Moment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I want you to sit with this: \u201cWhere do I keep going back to my old way, even though I know better?\u201d And then ask:\u2028\u201cWhat would it look like to practice something new right there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Homework (Next Step)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This week, I want you to take it one step further than last time. When something happens in your marriage, write down happened, what you made it mean, and what you want to create instead. And then this is the new step: \u201dHow am I going to show up differently right now?\u201d Not later, in the moment. Because this is how change becomes real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Picture your marriage one year from now. Not just because you understood something, but because you practiced something new. You don\u2019t spiral into the same thoughts, you don\u2019t shut down the same way, you feel more open, more connected, and more at peace. Connection feels natural again, because you\u2019ve created it\u2014moment by moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Awareness is powerful, but it\u2019s not the finish line. It\u2019s the beginning. And when you start making new decisions, right in the middle of real moments, everything begins to shift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is the work God walked me through. It changed my marriage and I believe it can change yours too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If this post spoke to you, come join me inside my private Facebook community: Empty Nest Wives: Rebuilding Intimacy &amp; Connection. Or send me your email\u2014I\u2019d love to stay connected with you there. You don\u2019t have to do this alone<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-text-color has-pale-pink-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-pale-pink-background-color has-background is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">New to The Best-Life Project?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Please read these foundational posts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/2023\/01\/14\/best-life-dream-story\/\">Best Life Dream Story<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/2023\/02\/18\/best-life-definition\/\">Best-Life Definition<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Read More from This Author:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/author\/monette-sedberry\/\">Monette Sedberry<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"551\" height=\"666\" src=\"http:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/Monette-2024.jpg\" alt=\"Smiling blonde woman\" class=\"wp-image-1059\" style=\"width:214px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/Monette-2024.jpg 551w, https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/Monette-2024-248x300.jpg 248w, https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/Monette-2024-300x363.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 551px) 100vw, 551px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Monette Sedberry<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Monette Sedberry is the host of the weekly podcast Midlife Marriage Makeover, where she encourages Christian empty-nester wives to rebuild connection, spark fresh joy, and invite God back into the center of their marriage. A lifelong learner and storyteller, Monette shares practical wisdom, faith-filled mindset shifts, and honest reflections from her own journey\u2014both on her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project. Her words flow with honesty and compassion, giving women hope that change is possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><br>Monette lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and love adventuring, traveling, and savoring this new season of life together. Learn more at:&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/linktr.ee\/Miracle_Marriage\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">http:\/\/linktr.ee\/Miracle_Marriage<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you want support and honest conversation about intimacy, connection, and midlife marriage, join Monette\u2019s private Facebook community:&nbsp;<strong>Empty Nest Wives: Rebuilding Intimacy &amp; Connection<\/strong><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/emptynestwives\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/emptynestwives<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever had a moment where you thought: \u201cI see it now, I know what thoughts I have been thinking that are not serving my marriage, they are thoughts causing distance between my husband and myself. I understand what I\u2019m doing.\u201d But your marriage still feels the same still distant not connected? You\u2019re more&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":3028,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,15,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3027","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","category-soul","category-transitions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3027","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3027"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3027\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3032,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3027\/revisions\/3032"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3028"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3027"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3027"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3027"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}