{"id":3158,"date":"2026-08-11T17:42:04","date_gmt":"2026-08-11T22:42:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/?p=3158"},"modified":"2026-08-11T17:44:01","modified_gmt":"2026-08-11T22:44:01","slug":"are-you-protecting-yourself-more-than-youre-loving-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/livingyourbestlife60plus.com\/blog\/2026\/08\/11\/are-you-protecting-yourself-more-than-youre-loving-your-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Protecting Yourself More Than You\u2019re Loving Your Husband?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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There\u2019s a question I\u2019ve been thinking about lately, and it may be one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves in a long-term marriage:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Am I protecting myself more than I\u2019m loving my husband?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of us don\u2019t decide one morning to become guarded. It happens slowly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A disappointment here. A misunderstanding there. An expectation that goes unmet. A conversation that doesn\u2019t go the way we hoped. Add in the emotional exhaustion that can come with years of marriage, raising a family, work, responsibilities, and simply doing life together, and we learn to adapt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hold back a little. We stop sharing as freely. We begin anticipating disappointment. We become more careful about what we say and how much of ourselves we reveal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, self-protection can become such a habit that we don\u2019t even realize we\u2019re doing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I Realized What I Was Doing<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

God showed me something about myself years ago that changed the way I looked at my marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I realized I had become very focused on what wasn\u2019t happening\u2014what my husband wasn\u2019t saying, how he wasn\u2019t responding, and all the places where I felt disconnected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without realizing it, I was constantly evaluating our relationship through the lens of self-protection. I was almost looking for evidence that confirmed why I shouldn\u2019t fully open my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then one day, this thought hit me:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ve got to stop finding what you\u2019re looking for in order to justify protecting yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That realization changed everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was asking for intimacy while emotionally defending myself from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I began to understand something important: You can love someone and still not fully let him in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Armor We Learn to Wear<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Self-protection can feel safe. If I don\u2019t expect too much, I won\u2019t be disappointed. If I don\u2019t say what I really feel, I can\u2019t be misunderstood. If I don\u2019t make myself vulnerable, I can\u2019t be rejected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But there\u2019s a cost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same wall that helps keep hurt out can also keep intimacy out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And intimacy requires some risk. Not reckless vulnerability. Not ignoring genuine problems or pretending hurtful behavior is acceptable. Healthy vulnerability grows where there is emotional safety.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But in a fundamentally loving relationship, we can become so accustomed to protecting ourselves that we continue wearing emotional armor long after we need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s when it may be worth asking: Am I trying to connect with my husband\u2014or am I constantly protecting myself from the possibility of being hurt?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Intimacy Really Requires<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We often think of intimacy as physical closeness, and that is certainly part of marriage. But the intimacy most of us long for goes much deeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is being known.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is allowing someone to see beyond the version of ourselves we present to everyone else and into the person underneath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s sharing what we really think instead of the edited version. Saying, \u201cThat hurt my feelings,\u201d rather than withdrawing. Expressing what we need instead of waiting for our husband to figure it out. Listening with curiosity instead of already deciding what he meant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That kind of intimacy happens at what I think of as the soulful level.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it requires bringing the real person God created us to be into the relationship\u2014not a guarded version, not a carefully managed version, and not a version constantly watching for evidence that opening our heart was a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Would Happen If You Softened?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Picture your marriage a year from now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not perfect. Not without disagreements or disappointments. But softer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversations are deeper. You feel more emotionally seen. Affection comes more naturally. You aren\u2019t automatically assuming the worst about each other. There\u2019s a warmth between you that perhaps you haven\u2019t felt in a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What might begin to change if you lowered just a little of the emotional armor?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n