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This post is part 5 of my series on marriage. While it can be read on its own, \u00a0I encourage you go back and read the four prior to this one. In them, I share with you how I feel God is calling me to talk about marriage. Again I\u2019m a Bible-believing Christian and I feel marriage is under attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been married 30+ years and it\u2019s been a roller coaster ride! I\u2019ve wanted to throw in the towel so many times. Marriage has been one of the most rewarding and one of the most difficult things I have experienced in my lifetime. What I\u2019m sharing with you in this series are the truths I\u2019ve discovered along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here, I want to go back to my original question in part 1. Why did you get married? Or if you\u2019re not yet married, why do you want to get married? The answer to this question is significant!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am a big journal person for two reasons, getting your thoughts on paper is so different than leaving those thoughts in your head. Writing brings clarity. I also know the value of journaling because when you go back and read, you realize how far you\u2019ve come, or you see these glaring patterns that you may not be happy with and see that it\u2019s an area that still needs addressing. I am a big believer in journaling. So do this exercise. Write down all the reasons you got married. Everything from I fell in love with him, to I wanted to be married and have children, to I wanted a partner to do life with, to because everyone my age was getting married so I found that person and got married too, or I loved my parents\u2019 marriage and I wanted that for myself or I hated my parents\u2019 marriage and didn\u2019t want what they had and I thought I could do it better!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I shared before, I do believe God gives us the desire to be married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once you\u2019ve written your why\u2019s, look at that list and check how it\u2019s going. Were any of those reasons, now that you think back, dumb and na\u00efve? Maybe you like your reasons and are happy. Take this a step further: have you ever heard of the concept beginning with the end in mind? I believe most of us probably weren\u2019t well equipped when we started this journey of marriage. Next, assess your marriage right now. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being terrible and 10 being great, how\u2019s it going?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All progress starts by telling the truth. I believe marriage is one of the biggest decisions we make in our life. Marriage is about spending our life with an imperfect sinful person as they have made the same decision committing to spend their life with you an imperfect sinful person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s the next journal exercise: describe what you envision your marriage to look like if you could create the perfect marriage for you. Have fun with this. Write down all the things you can come up with. Next, look at what you wrote down. What\u2019s the underlying theme? It is probably not about money, it\u2019s not about stuff. What most of us want is love, connection, and time. God designed us for relationship. The problem is we get caught up in what the world tells us will bring us happiness. More money, more stuff, getting our significance from how popular we are and how many likes we get on social media. We buy the lie, that happiness comes from being with our girlfriends and not our spouse. We tend to have a thought loop going through our heads that tells us: \u201cIt my husband were different; I could be happy.\u201d You may this ideal fantasy of what that should look like. As I shared previously, I believe these are Satan\u2019s lies. If he can distract us enough and we quit valuing our marriage, he gets his foothold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is your marriage your priority? Or is it your job, your kids, your women friends, exercise, is it consumption of social media? Or it could even be your volunteer work. The reason I can name all these things is because I have been guilty of most of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the first decade of our marriage, I was a stay home mom. I was also part of an MLM business and had built a very large organization. I was driven to meet my goals. One of the people I had recruited wanted to have a big meeting and invite all these people. I was thrilled. We set it up. I was so caught up in the moment I didn\u2019t realize we had set it up on my anniversary. My husband was disappointed. At this time, I was so caught up in getting my significance from my business, I was blinded by how selfish this really was. We had the meeting, she thought she would get 40 or 50 people. Two people showed up that night. It was a complete bust! This was one of my many wake-up calls. What a nightmare! My husband and I got through that time, but it still hurts my heart when I revisit that decision. He wasn\u2019t my priority; my worth was coming from my business. Like many women, I\u2019ve made mistakes and bought Satan\u2019s lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We must protect our marriage. The world is enticing. If you want a strong passionate thriving marriage, it must be your priority! We must guard our hearts and our minds, we must make this relationship, this gift called marriage a top priority. Is your love for your spouse your highest priority?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back to \u201cbeginning with the end in mind\u201d\u2014a term used all the time in business. If you don\u2019t value your marriage and you take it for granted, you will get just that. I hope to help you wake up. I\u2019ve seen it happen to too many of my friends. They ignored the warning signs, Satan got his foothold, and their marriage ended in divorce. In my marriage, I\u2019ve been at the place where it was dead. We get distracted. We start holding onto anger, we ignore the warning signs, we settle. Marriage is too important not to be good at it! We get good at what we practice. Where our focus goes, our attention flows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you want a strong passionate thriving marriage? I believe that\u2019s what God wants for each of us. Pray for God to show you those areas in your heart where you have unforgiveness, resentment, apathy, even comparison to other people\u2019s marriages. I believe within the boundaries of marriage, God has created a unique and special space where God can grow us, change us and teach us. The same is true for our spouses. It is a lifelong process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hope you\u2019re doing the exercise of journaling and writing the answers to these questions. We can overcome those challenges we have in our marriage and come out on the other side. Please ponder what I\u2019ve shared. Above all, pray about what I have shared and how it applies to you and your marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n