Ask yourself the question: If my marriage were everything I would want it to be, what would that look like? This is going to be very important. We can be our own worst enemies, giving up hope and getting stuck in an old mindset. The new year, is the perfect time to take a fresh look. It’s your life. The same-old is always available.
Category: Marriage
Life Beyond the Pall
Molding the difficult into something new and beautiful is part of the grieving, healing process. Everything has a season. Along with the seasons of joy and celebration come seasons of mourning and loss. These rolling highs and lows are how life works. For each fading flower comes the remembrance of former beauty, love, comfort, and the hope of forward motion.
What is Your Role in Your Marriage?
Are you feeling sad? Feeling lonely? Have you built a facade in your marriage? You need the truth here, the real down deep feelings about how you are really feeling about your marriage. I was truthful with you. I felt dead inside. I couldn’t see the future. I didn’t know how it was going to happen. But I wanted more from my marriage.
A Compelling Future for Your Marriage
Just because we have approached our marriage a certain way for so long, doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. I feel we have been given these creative brains that we underutilize. We are such creatures of habit. What if there is a new, exciting way to approach your marriage.
Are We Having Fun Yet?
Are you having fun with the person you have chosen to do life with? Fun will look different for each and every marriage. What I think is fun in my marriage probably won’t appeal to you. But I will say, the more fun I have with my husband the more in love with him I feel. Learning to laugh at myself, even when I blow it and admit my mistake—but have the courage to snicker about it, this has been huge for me.
The Sudden Exit Club
You, too, will find moments of celebration in your hard journey, if you look for and recognize them. Your momentum may be slow, but you will recover and resume forward motion, even when it is very difficult. The devastation you experience now will give way to lighter moments, like the dawning of a new, sun-filled day. Expect brighter days ahead and hold on to hope.
What is Going on in Your Heart?
What is going on in your brain about your marriage? Only you know these thoughts. Our thought life comes out in our actions. Really think about this. Here is a little example, if you are mad at your husband about something, how do you treat him? With love and affection, probably not. You probably pull back emotionally. Or, maybe you lash out over something small. Your heart-life matters. It comes out in our actions.
Do You Want a Loving, Thriving, Passionate Marriage?
We can love our imperfect husbands! God can show us how! God has given you this gift of marriage to show you who you are, and He’s given you a person to love and to love you; to teach you and train you to love—even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage teaches you to stop building a self-protective exterior. The world teaches you to build barriers, create boundaries, love yourself, build your self-esteem—which is the opposite of God’s design for marriage. Our goal is to get you back to that loving, thriving relationship with the man you married.
It’s Not Head Knowledge, It’s Heart Knowledge
I’ve read the marriage books, gone to the seminars, gotten all the tactical things to try to make a better marriage. And you know what? They work temporally. They are Band-Aid fixes. But they will not work long term. Why do I know? Because it’s not about getting more head knowledge. I can give you all the scriptures to back up the foundation of why marriages are difficult; that Satan is prowling around ready to devour marriages. All of that is true. As a Christian, you know some of the verses. You may be a better Bible scholar than I am. Your problem is not that you don’t have enough information. The problem is you don’t believe it is you!
Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?
Why didn’t God give me unconditional love for my spouse. It is not the same. I can remember some of our first arguments. I can remember when I felt injustice, unfairness, his anger, words I said that I still regret in a fight we had 20 years ago. I have a pretty good recall of the ugliness we went through in our marriage. I’ve wondered why didn’t God give me that same unconditional love for my husband that he gave me for my kids. Have you ever thought about this?