Recently, I woke up around 3am. I tossed and turned. I keep praying: “Lord help me go back to sleep.” I was thinking about so many things, the tennis match I was going to be playing the next night. Our next little mini-trip. About what topic of marriage I should address next. And this thought came to me about marriage—which I think came from the Lord, does your marriage have a compelling future? I listen to several business podcasts from Dan Sullivan. He’s a business strategy coach and I love the topic of business. He asks business owners/entrepreneurs this question all the time: “Do you have a compelling future?” I laid there and thought: “this is a brilliant question.” I laid there and thought: “Yes, my next topic will be the question ‘Does your marriage have a compelling future?’”
“Do we have a compelling future for our marriage?” Have you ever considered this question? I would bet, most of us don’t. We all get into the day-to-day, whatever that looks like for you: the things that are most pressing, that are screaming for our immediate attention. Thinking about the future of our marriage probably doesn’t even cross our mind.
Just because we have approached our marriage a certain way for so long, doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. I feel we have been given these creative brains that we underutilize. We are such creatures of habit. What if there is a new, exciting way to approach your marriage.
First, I’m going to revisit something I talked about in an earlier episode in this marriage series: “Do you have a physical time set aside in the morning to spend time with the Lord; reading his word and being in prayer? I shared what has worked for me, that first thing before I get on any social media, I come down to my desk listen to the Abide app (a two minute Christian meditation) on my phone, I read Our Daily Bread for that specific day, and pray and write in my prayer journal. I do not do this to be religious. This is where the Lord continues to change me. I have all the issues in my heart: being judgmental, unforgiveness, selfishness, pride—all of it. I am renewed every morning when I surrender and trust. This is where Jesus deals with my heart. This time puts me in a grateful loving state.
Like the scripture in Romans 12:2, which says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” This verse encourages believers to transform their way of thinking and align it with God’s will instead of conforming to worldly standards. This discipline has changed me and puts me back on the path.
How about you? Do you have a daily discipline of spending time in God’s word and prayer? Of anything I address here, this is the most important thing I talk about! You must spend time with Jesus. In his word and in prayer. This is where he will change your heart. You must surrender and trust!!
What Does a Compelling Future Look Like?
Now, I want you to pull out that journal and write the question: “What does a compelling future for my marriage look like for me?” Pray about this! Use your imagination and dream for a minute. The answers you come up with will be uniquely the interests of you and your husband. Here’s some ideas to get you started:
- I envisions a future with my husband where we go on a mini-vacation to (fill in the blank to where you could travel together).
- I envision a future where we remodel that room in our house we’ve always talked about remodeling.
- I envision spending time with our adult children and our grandchildren one day.
- I envision going on a cruise to Alaska with my husband someday.
- I envision us both being healthy and taking walks together.
- I envision us sitting together at church.
- I envision us trying things we’ve never done before: paddle boarding, pickle ball, learning new card games, inviting friends over, etc.
- I envision us getting healthy together.
- I envision us taking care of our aging parents together with love, compassion, and our time.
- Maybe you envision selling your home one day and moving to another part of the country together.
- Maybe it could be the simple things like you holding hands, or maybe it’s creating that time again where you give each other a kiss when you say goodbye.
- Maybe you envision bragging about your husband and how lucky you are to have someone to love and that he loves you.
Whatever those are. Write down whatever comes to mind. Have fun with this. This list can be endless, adding new ideas all the time.
If you’ve been listening to many of my podcasts and/or reading these posts, you know I am an optimist. I believe God has given us this ability to dream, to imagine. That our marriage relationship is a gift from God. How we treat that gift is up to us.
The Beginning of Change
You start creating the compelling future in your mind. You may be asking yourself, what if the ideas you come up with, you question: “Is this is God’s will?” The way to answer that is does it align with God’s truths in his Word. I believe God has given us an abundance mindset and Satan wants us to have a scarcity mindset! If you believe God loves his children and wants the best for them, why would we buy the lie that marriage is somehow a life sentence; one of dread and no hope.
Creating this compelling future is the beginning of change. Have fun with this idea. You may never actually do half the things you put on the list, but it’s a start.
Hope and Optimism
How are you feeling about this exercise? Are you feeling resistance? Are you, in your mind, defending your present state of your marriage? Maybe you don’t believe me and you’re believing the state of your marriage will never change? Does this bring up fear? Does this challenge you, and you’re thinking and you’re saying in your head, you don’t know my marriage, you don’t know my husband. Like I said, I want you to pray about this. Lay it all before the Lord. You are going to have to surrender and trust. God is the restorer of relationships. If God has brought you here to hear what I have to say, it’s because you have a glimmer of hope. Like God talks about in his word, having faith like the mustard seed.
The scripture about the mustard seed is found in the books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It’s a parable told by Jesus, emphasizing the idea of faith and the potential for great growth from small beginnings.
In Matthew 13:31-32 (NIV), the passage reads: “He told them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.’”
What if we looked at our marriages this way. With hope and optimism. With faith like a mustard seed. I know, I keep emphasizing marriage is a gift from God. How we approach our marriage is up to us. Do this exercise, create a compelling future for your marriage. Pray about it. Journal on this idea. Go out and create that compelling future for your marriage!
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a life-long learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.