God’s design for sexual intimacy isn’t about perfection or trying harder. It’s about choosing love first—consistently, intentionally, and faithfully. When you love your husband because you see him as God made him, not because you want to change him, desire awakens naturally. And that’s what this post is all about: how to align your heart, your mind, and your marriage with God’s blueprint for love, connection, and intimacy.
I want to take you back to a time I remember just not feeling that sexually attracted to my husband, for some reason I just didn’t feel interested—if you know what I mean. We were acting more like roommates. I kept thinking to myself, Monette you are distracted by all the things you’re involved in and to be honest, my marriage was not at the top of the list. It felt like one more thing to put attention in to on my to-do list. That’s when I got a huge wakeup call from God and knew he was trying to get my attention. I had a friend who had been married much longer than me, call and tell me “I don’t think my marriage is going to survive, can we get together, I need someone to talk to.” Meeting with her the next few months was the wakeup call I needed. I realized how I was taking my relationship with my husband for granted. Walking alongside my friend, who did eventually divorce, was something I had a hard time wrapping my head around. That’s when everything in my marriage began to change. My husband didn’t change, I changed! I made some new decisions, outside of my relationship with the Lord, my husband Leland became my top relationship. I chose him. I chose to love, honor and give him respect. I decided to give him my time and energy, and this was the beginning of when I felt intimacy naturally returning.
Many women struggle with sexual intimacy in midlife because they focus on outcomes: “I need desire to return,” or “If he would just change…”
But God’s design flips that thinking:
Love first.
Honor first.
Connection first.
Your responsibility isn’t to fix him—it’s to fully love and respect him as he is.
When you do, your mindset shifts:
You notice tenderness, humor, and attraction.
You stop strategizing and start enjoying.
Desire begins to flow naturally—because intimacy is now rooted in heart, mind, and spirit, not pressure.
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Five Ways to Awaken Desire God’s Way
God’s design for sexual intimacy isn’t about perfection or trying harder. It’s about choosing love first—consistently, intentionally, and faithfully. When you love your husband because you see him as God made him, not because you want to change him, desire awakens naturally. And that’s what this post is all about: how to align your heart, your mind, and your marriage with God’s blueprint for love, connection, and intimacy.
I want to take you back to a time I remember just not feeling that sexually attracted to my husband, for some reason I just didn’t feel interested—if you know what I mean. We were acting more like roommates. I kept thinking to myself, Monette you are distracted by all the things you’re involved in and to be honest, my marriage was not at the top of the list. It felt like one more thing to put attention in to on my to-do list. That’s when I got a huge wakeup call from God and knew he was trying to get my attention. I had a friend who had been married much longer than me, call and tell me “I don’t think my marriage is going to survive, can we get together, I need someone to talk to.” Meeting with her the next few months was the wakeup call I needed. I realized how I was taking my relationship with my husband for granted. Walking alongside my friend, who did eventually divorce, was something I had a hard time wrapping my head around. That’s when everything in my marriage began to change. My husband didn’t change, I changed! I made some new decisions, outside of my relationship with the Lord, my husband Leland became my top relationship. I chose him. I chose to love, honor and give him respect. I decided to give him my time and energy, and this was the beginning of when I felt intimacy naturally returning.
Many women struggle with sexual intimacy in midlife because they focus on outcomes: “I need desire to return,” or “If he would just change…”
But God’s design flips that thinking:
Love first.
Honor first.
Connection first.
Your responsibility isn’t to fix him—it’s to fully love and respect him as he is.
When you do, your mindset shifts:
You notice tenderness, humor, and attraction.
You stop strategizing and start enjoying.
Desire begins to flow naturally—because intimacy is now rooted in heart, mind, and sp
Five Ways to Awaken Desire God’s Way
1. See Him Through God’s Eyes
Notice the traits that made you fall in love. Focus on gratitude, not critique.
2. Practice Consistent Respect
Words and actions that affirm him create a safe emotional environment.
3. Choose Connection Over Correction
Stop trying to fix, instruct, or improve. Connection fuels desire. Correction kills it.
4. Invite God into Your Moments of Intimacy
Even small prayers like, “Lord, help me love him fully today,” align your heart with His plan.
5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Intimacy isn’t a goal. It’s a journey. A soft word, a shared laugh, or a loving glance matters more than perfect timing or flawless performance.
Reflection Question
Ask yourself: “Am I loving him as God intended—or am I still trying to fix him?”
Take one practical step today to see, honor, or celebrate him, without expectation of change.
Prayer
Lord, thank You for Your design for love, intimacy, and marriage. Help me choose love over control. Help me honor, respect, and cherish my husband as You do. Let desire and closeness flow naturally as my heart aligns with Yours. Teach us to experience connection and passion that honors You and our marriage. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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Monette Sedberry is the host of the weekly podcast Midlife Marriage Makeover, where she encourages Christian empty-nester wives to rebuild connection, spark fresh joy, and invite God back into the center of their marriage. A lifelong learner and storyteller, Monette shares practical wisdom, faith-filled mindset shifts, and honest reflections from her own journey—both on her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project. Her words flow with honesty and compassion, giving women hope that change is possible.
Monette lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and love adventuring, traveling, and savoring this new season of life together. Learn more at: http://linktr.ee/Miracle_Marriage