At only ninety pounds, he is the “boss” of our family. If he wants to go outside to play, we go outside. When he wants food, we oblige. If he wants popcorn for a snack, he gets it. If he decides to get in our bed, he takes up as much space as he wants while we adapt to whatever small space remains.
He is a spoiled child, and we have no complaints.
Now, before you think I’m an indulgent, passive parent, I must tell you that this “child” has four legs. (Shhhhh…we haven’t told him he’s actually a dog!)
Honestly, he has more expressions than most people and does what we ask better than any child I’ve ever known. He’s more than a pet to us—he is a member of the family.
Can you relate to an animal that has stolen an enormous place in your heart and has you doing things you normally wouldn’t, to both the amusement and incomprehension of others?
Top Dog Personality
Trust me, he’s no dumb dog. He has championship bloodlines. He knows his right shake from his left, how to twirl, resist a treat in front of him, crawl in the event of a fire, and many more tricks.
If Marita’s personality classifications can be applied to animals, he is primarily a Popular Sanguine, loved by all and drawing attention with smiles, licks, and wags of his tail—because he thinks everyone comes to our house solely to see him. Secondarily, he’s a Powerful Choleric who directs everyone to keep them in line. There are even some Perfect Melancholy traits when it comes to food, ensuring no morsel is left behind.
His barks are as distinctive as a baby’s cry:
- A short, loud, deep one for delivery trucks like Amazon, FedEx, UPS, and USPS.
- A single, short, high-pitched “yip” that sends the signal, “I don’t want to get up, but tell me where you are in the house so I’ll know you’re still here.”
- A longer, high-pitched one on repeat that means, “Is anyone in the neighborhood who wants to play?”
- A super-loud, deep, extremely forceful bark followed by a growl that lets strangers know, “You better back away slowly because I’m going to protect my family and I perceive you as a threat.”
- And even one that is hard to describe, which means, “I want Easy Cheese in my Kong right now!” (No joke!)
In addition to his specific barks, he has a bell hanging on the doorknob that he rings to let us know when it’s time to go take care of business.
Yes, you could say that he has us well trained!
Letting Go
Two years ago, after the removal of a cantaloupe-sized tumor, we were told, “He’s probably got one month, maybe three.”
I was not even close to being ready to lose him, and I’m so grateful for answered prayers for more time. A month ago, we learned there is another large tumor, and surgery is too risky. Last week, we came home and he didn’t want to move, eat, or drink for 23 hours and became dehydrated. We nursed him back, and he has yet again rebounded and doesn’t seem to be in pain.
So much for only cats having multiple lives—he is on number three.
I once saw the quote, “Pets are only one chapter in our lives, but we’re their whole book.” It captures the deep bond between humans and animals that keeps me by my pup’s side. When the time comes, I will have a really hard time letting go.
I think of a line from the 2012 movie Life of Pi: “I suppose, in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.”
Goodbye is not easy when it is to one who has been my shadow for so many years—the one who licks my tears, shares my popcorn, and keeps my feet warm at night. One day, soon, however, I will be forced to reluctantly and tearfully say goodbye. Although that goodbye has been delayed two years, it now seems just around the corner.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” —A. A. Milne
Every experience of grief is unique, but grief itself is universal. The goodbye I am anticipating with my beloved dog is not the same as other goodbyes I have experienced. Each love has its own place in our hearts, and each loss leaves its own empty space.
Perhaps that is why anticipating this goodbye takes me back to another one—the loss of my mother.
Lessons in Letting Go
My mom also died from a tumor. I painstakingly watched her take her last breath so she would not be alone. During those hours when I watched to see if each breath would be her last, I thought about many things.
One thing I was grateful for was knowing that she had prepared to leave this life well. Being the Perfect Melancholy, she had planned pretty much everything, which alleviated the burden on me and other family members.
Her example reinforced several things for me about letting go: We must accept death as part of life and confront our own mortality. God is the sustainer of life, and daily dependence upon Him—and hope in knowing His ways are perfect—can bring consolation. And when we plan what we can in advance, we can make some parts of the process easier for those we leave behind.
My mother showed me that in very practical ways.
Five Lessons in Leaving
1. She made her final wishes known. She had a current power of attorney, an up-to-date will, and advance healthcare directives. She had also made arrangements with a local funeral home so that in our time of grief, our family wasn’t left trying to figure out everything regarding her service and burial.
Her example taught me the importance of making our own wishes known and discussing the appropriate legal documents and arrangements with the professionals who can help us put them in place.
2. She prepared financially. My mom had made arrangements that made handling necessary finances after her death easier. Depending upon individual circumstances, that might involve beneficiary or payable-on-death designations, appropriate account arrangements, life insurance, savings, or other planning.
The specifics will be different for everyone, but the lesson she taught me was simple: Don’t leave the people you love unnecessarily scrambling to figure things out while they are grieving.
3. She went through her personal belongings and cleaned out her house. As a hugely sentimental person, I admit this is extremely hard for me. I need to remember that things which belonged to my grandmother, for instance, may have no significance for my children. Some things may need to find a new home, and others may need to be labeled.
Starting the process while we still can may spare others from having to make all those decisions later—and perhaps from feeling guilty about letting our things go.
4. She left little unsaid. My mom always said what she thought. Before her death, she was able to visit with an estranged family member.
Many years ago, a car accident reminded me that a day can easily be our last. It almost left me an amputee—but God! Afterward, I taught my children that we never know when the last time will be that we see someone. We should act accordingly.
When I was a child, I learned the regret of not telling my grandfather I loved him when we left my grandparents’ house one day. A few days later, he died.
Don’t put it off. Be a blessing. I say none of this to make you worry, but to encourage you to live with intention. Never miss a chance to let others know you love them. Resolve what you can while you can.
5. Last, but definitely not least, she knew where she was going. Do you?
When this life is over, will you have a home in heaven? A quote from the movie Patch Adams has stuck with me: “All of life is a coming home.”
I think that’s true. The most important home we need to consider is our eternal one. Will it be with Jesus? For me, that is the most important relationship to have resolved. If you are uncertain, I encourage you to make knowing Jesus your first priority.
Five Lesson in Love
I’m grateful to my mother, who taught me these things and so much more. And now, in a very different way, an incredible four-legged member of our family continues to remind me what matters while we are still here to enjoy one another.
1. Stop. Notice what—and who—is around you. Be present with those you encounter. Spend time in nature and with God’s creation. Enjoy the sunshine and the rain, both literally and figuratively.
2. Touch can be therapeutic. Who hasn’t felt calmer stroking a pet’s fur or felt the warmth of a hug from a friend?
3. Love unconditionally. There is nothing quite like the unconditional love of a pet. We would be wise to imitate it.
4. Some things can wait. When you focus on what’s important, other things naturally get put on hold. Give your time to what really matters. Hint: scrolling on social media probably isn’t it.
5. Don’t let others walk alone. There’s no medicine quite like the presence of someone who cares.
And perhaps my dog is teaching me one more lesson—the one I need most right now.
Don’t let the knowledge that goodbye is coming keep you from fully loving the time you still have.
For now, he is still here.
So I will keep sharing my popcorn, making room for him in the bed, responding to his various barks, and giving him Easy Cheese in his Kong when he insists. I don’t know how much more time we have, but I do know that these extra two years have been a gift.
There will be a time for letting go. Today is a time for loving him.
Perhaps there is someone you need to love a little more intentionally today, too. Share the hug. Say the words. Make the phone call. Sit a little longer. And if there is a beloved animal beside you, give them an extra scratch, an extra treat, or a little more room on the bed.
One day we all have to let go. Until then, let’s love well.
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Wendy Clements experienced the struggles of going through unwanted separation, divorce, and single parenting before falling in love with Jesus all over again. Now, as a Christian speaker and life coach to Christian women, she helps those who, because of various circumstances, aren’t sure who they are anymore and don’t feel adequate, to flourish and love again. An Athens, GA native, Wendy holds a BBA from the University of Georgia and is a member of the AACC and ICCA. She enjoys speaking to women’s groups, cooking, reading, and spending time with grandchildren.
It is always hard to lose our fur babies. They offer such unconditional love–often when we feel that no one else does.
So true!