Christmas Gift Exchange with Adult Children

I love hosting the annual Christmas Party for my group of girlfriends. We each bring a desirable, wrapped gift in the $25-$35 price range. Then we have a gift exchange that some people call a Chinese Christmas. What we do is different from a typical White Elephant or Dirty Santa exchange in that for these exchanges, gifts are specifically supposed to be something amusing and impractical. At our place in life, the last thing anyone needs are more silly or useless items. Plus, the fun is when the gift you got, and hopefully want, gets “stolen.” If it is something no one wants, then no one steals it, and everyone goes home with one more thing they don’t want. Our rules include that the gift must be something others will want enough to fight over it. Once it has been stolen three times, the gift is “frozen.” Over the years, it has been interesting to see which gifts are the ones the gals fight over. One of my friends is a watercolor artist. She brought a painting with a certificate for a watercolor class. It made the rounds until it was frozen with a grateful recipient. One year it was a decorative platter. Another a snuggly throw blanket. A dramatic floral Christmas centerpiece was also popular. Bottles of wine are a frequent gift. .

A couple Christmas’ ago, I adapted the idea to our family gift giving. It has worked really well.

My husband has two adult daughters (36 and 38). Each has her own home. The older one is married. So that means I have three for whom I need gifts. Their father, my husband, writes them a check—which they may appreciate more than my efforts. But, considering I didn’t come into their lives until they were grown adults, I want to give them something myself. After all, if there are no gifts, what are we going to do on Christmas day? I feel that we need some activity.

Here’s what I do. I purchase a total of six gifts—all in the $35-50 range. Because I am buying for both male and female, I select items that are genderless and that I think any of them would like. This has worked well, with the typical gift stealing, and each household ends up with items they want—or at least mostly want.

The first year, I visited a couple of local distilleries and found mixers made by local mom and pop enterprises. The local spirits and mixers made up two gifts. I watched for the specials at Bath and Body and bought several candles in differing scents to wrap up as one gift. I also had a quality houseplant that I repotted into a nice pot.

Last year, the second year of this plan, I watched for interesting household gifts that I thought they might find useful. My sister had these nifty under sink storage racks. I purchased two sets—one for me and one for the kids. My nephew’s wife sent me a photo of a painting I’d done for her with this light over it. I noticed it didn’t have a cord. I asked her about it, and she sent me the link. I bought three—one for me, one for my friend gift, and one for the kids. This past November, Chuck and I had a vacation in Mexico. The resort had these cool cordless/rechargeable LED orb lights on the outdoor tables. I took a photo of one and found it on Amazon. It added it to my gift selection. In my search, I found this tabletop firepit—gift number five. My sixth gift for the kids was this cordless, rechargeable closet light. One of my friends had one and said it was great.

This approach has gone over so well, I’ve already started on this year. So far, I have purchased this cute little shoulder strap cooler and these vacuum packing bags that shrink up the space used and allow for more items in the suitcase. Here in Lubbock, there is a lavender farm that makes cocktail kits. I will buy two different kits and add the appropriate spirits. I am still on the lookout for two more appropriate gifts.

Admittedly, this approach only works if you have everyone in one home at the same time. But if you have struggled with finding gifts that your family members will actually use and you need a holiday activity, this idea may work for you. I’ve included the gifts I have given/am giving just to give you ideas. Tweak these ideas for gifts that work for your family.

The give-and-take is entertaining, and it has made the gifting process fun. I’d love to hear if you decide to try it.

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Marita Littauer Tedder has spent the majority of her adult life working with women—helping them improve relationships, achieve their speaking and writing dreams, and being the best version of themselves they can possibly be. The author of 20 books, this Living Our Best Life Project is her newest effort—through which she hopes to challenge women to be fulfilled where they are.