Often, we use the word “love” loosely. We tie “love” to a certain food, a coffee brand, a song, a clothing line, and many other things. Then, we use the same word when we refer to people. But love is deeper than things, attraction, or passion. Love is based on foundational elements that allow love to endure through hardship and the ups and downs of life.
Following are reflections on the foundational elements of love:
Respect
When you value, admire, and esteem others, you respect them. In a love relationship, respect should be mutual. Sometimes, situations arise when respect is tarnished. Then, you have to decide if respect remains intact, or if you should rethink what you know about the person.
Honesty
Many relationships fail because honesty is absent. For love to thrive, we must have the assurance that words and actions are true.
Trust
Can you trust those you love? If not, love is on shaky ground. Trust is a fundamental element of love. When trust is repeatedly broken, love is one-sided or nonexistent.
Compromise
Sometimes, love requires compromise. The selfish perspective of always getting your own way must take a back seat, at times, for love to survive.
Compassion
A compassionate heart understands the hurt, distress, anxiety, and fear of others and responds with sympathy.
Forgiveness
Modeled by God, and integral to our lives and faith, is the gift of forgiveness. Because we are human, and sinners, we mess up. It’s a given: we hurt others, and they hurt us. Forgiving allows relationships to heal and forward motion to continue. Without forgiveness, we mire ourselves in resentment and fail to move ahead.
Commitment
Commitment is the sticktoitiveness that ensures those in relationship aren’t going to run when difficulties arise. Commitment says, “I’m with you for the long haul.”
God’s commitment to us never wavers. His covenant of love values, sacrifices, and redeems. He is a firm foundation. God’s love is steadfast, unswerving, and long-suffering. When others disappoint us, God’s love remains unfailing.
Is your love built on a firm foundation?
“This is the embodiment of true love: not that we have loved God first, but that He loved us and sent His unique Son on a special mission to become an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10 VOICE).
Candy Arrington is an award-winning writer, blogger, and speaker. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotions published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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Randy and I are about to celebrate 50 years of marriage and I would say respect is one of the major keys to our relationship. We respect and value each other‘s strengths. We realize we have different gifts and respect our gifts and each other.
Our dining room table today has Valentine cards from a few decades, two white fuzzy bears that shake and shimmy while declaring they love me, a cool Valentine tie, reminders of the more than sixty Valentine days we’ve shared.
I was nineteen when we married the day after he turned twenty-one (his mother wouldn’t sign for us) and the wedding was thrown together in a month on a budget of less than $500. My parents weren’t happy. I was supposed to be heading to UCLA but the urgent agenda reflected the times of Viet Nam, the draft and believing that a married man wouldn’t be drafted.
So what has made these sixty years so easy? I don’t know. Love? The Army years were awful because he was drafted anyway, had spinal surgery instead of going to Viet Nam, We lived in a 10×30′ trailer, I worked six days a week while he was in the hospital for months, but we survived and managed to stay in a loving relationship in spite of nightmare circumstances.
I continue to wonder how I got so “lucky.” He was not at all what I thought I wanted, but I wanted him. I was a brainiac, skipped a grade in school and he read one book in high school and had girls write his term papers for him. He forged his mother’s name when he skipped school. He was so much fun:))). He made me laugh.
I mean it when I say this marriage has been easy. That he still sings, “Here she comes, Miss America,” when I come down the stairs in the morning; that he thanks me for everything I do for him, always is fair, generous, respectful and kind; that we somehow discovered the God who loves us, redeemed us, died for us; that we live in mystery and gratitude.
Love. Tomorrow we celebrate something about love even as we hopefully celebrate something about love and each other everyday. Love is not always easy, though, is it?
Love one another as I have loved you seems an impossible command. Perhaps the challenge of spiritual maturation and spiritual transformation is the essence of successful relationship. I think of these things often. I suspect Mercy and Grace are involved.
Jesus loves us, this I know.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.