In Kentucky, my home state, Fall is truly such a beautiful time of the year. There are so many colors, flavors, events, and fun. While I really do love the season, I loath to admit that it always brings on a little melancholy mood in me. For those who know me, melancholy is not a word they would use to describe me. I am more the type that wakes up in the morning with my “hair on fire” and runs nonstop to get life that day done until I drop to sleep and re-fuel!
This Fall, I am particularly having a rough time with the season because we sent our one and only child, our son, to college and both my husband and I are not only feeling melancholy, but a little lost. As we are older parents, LOTS of different kinds of transitions will be heading our way down the pike and we are working and praying our way through it. For me, it is tough re-ordering my world and staying focused.
My husband Scott wants to transition in his work from high stress to more service to others but wants to keep working. I also want to replace those “mom duties” with a meaningful “job”, both of us using our gifts and talents we were given. We also need to be available for our son, Jackson, our aging relatives, and treasured friendships.
Ordering Your Private World
I dusted off a great book that I read decades ago (it is still a best-seller) by a then-young minister named Gordon McDonald, who was experiencing burnout. It is called Ordering your Private World. This Christian based book is an excellent resource for everyone and especially those who hold demanding positions of leadership. His spot-on focus is sharing tools on how to get your spiritual walk with Jesus in order. What also resonated with me is his insight on focusing on how The Seasons may affect you and how you use those emotions to maximize your effectiveness in ordering your private world. For example, he feels more equipped and clearer minded to counsel others in the Spring, uses the Summer months to read and dream and plan. He encourages you to figure out those rhythms in your life.
The Five-Minute Rule
For me, Fall brings on a little melancholy. I struggle with being as productive as I want to be. Instead of “falling hostage” to it, I have chosen to embrace it and work through it. I am also thankful for a little rule I learned to help me in those August, September, and October months to help me stay focused. It is called “The Five-Minute Rule.” Several years ago, I was the worship leader/guest vocalist for a women’s retreat and Doris Foster, the beautiful and wise wife of a large local church & business leader, was the speaker. At that time, she was in her late sixties. She is one of those ladies who is “a walking well of wisdom.” She explained that if you have a task, you just do not want to do, maybe a full “to-do” list, or you are feeling overwhelmed with responsibility, or feeling lonely or defeated, just make it simple and use “The Five-Minute Rule.”
All you do is set your egg timer, your phone, your alarm, or whatever you use to keep time for FIVE MINUTES. Next, go after that task. Making the bed? Do it in five! Folding Laundry? Do it in Five. Need to pray about something? Set the timer for 5 minutes. Need to write a thank you note? Do it in Five. Need to craft an email? Make it your goal to try and do it in 5! Need to get dinner started? Set the alarm for 5 minutes. Need to make a call? Get it done in 5! Need to vacuum the big living room? Play a five-minute upbeat favorite song very loudly, think of Robin Williams’ character Mrs. Doubtfire, and get it done! Need to scrub the bathroom or kitchen? Set the timer to 5 and add 5 and then add 5 more. Bottom line, you can get a LOT accomplished in five minutes. Doris was right. Those little victories make a difference and before you know it, your load is lightened. This little rule has saved my sanity the past few weeks!
Right now, there are some days that I am living 5 minutes at a time, and it is perfectly okay. I am working through my personal transition to an empty nest at age 62 and trusting Jesus to help me re-order my private world. I would love to hear some of the ways you got through this time in your life.
I hope to hear from you in 5!
Debbie was recently crowned Ms. Senior America 2023. She holds a degree in Vocal Performance and has performed across the continental U.S. and abroad. She’s also a talent and interview coach to contestants competing in The Miss America Scholarship Organization. Debbie is married to Scott Robbins. They have one son, Jackson, born when Debbie was 44. He is now a senior in High School.
I know Debbie and she’s absolutely not the type of person you would associate the word “melancholy” with. She’s a beautiful example of a godly (and beautiful!) woman who has had her share of potentially melancholy experiences, yet has maintained an upbeat and incredibly positive approach to life! Belie what she says, because she’s the real deal!
Autocorrect…meant to say believe what she says!
Thank you sweet friend! you are always so dear…. friends since age 14!!!! xo
My babies left the nest about 10 years ago and it was quite an adjustment but it helped my husband and I grow closer to each other. We started doing more things that were Husband and Wife focused (date nights, long scenic drives, walks and talks together) and it helped strengthen our marriage. I will admit to STILL getting misty-eyed every time I would see school supplies in the store aisles this time of year! Keep pushing through and praying for the joy of this new season to touch both you and Scott, and I will pray for both of you.
Thank you, Liz! It’s good to hear yours thoughts and encouragementing words . We went to the gym together for the first time in several years where it was just me and Scott.
We all love to work out, and it was strange not having Jackson with us, even though Scott and I used to work out all by ourselves before he was born, of course. 🙂 TRANSITIONS…!
Good thoughts, Debbie. Read it in Five Minutes!
LOL!
Now is the time to do what makes you happy. Life is like a clock so spend it on what you love-faith,family and friends. You can make a difference by volunteering in the community, Enjoy the small stuff and the scale of your endeavors should not matter. Think hard and make sure that what you do matters to YOU. God created one unique you to use your talents to help you gain happiness and success. Believe in yourself and pursue your goals and dreams. Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars. This was part of my philosophy of life in 2001 and I still practice those words today. I’m 84 and there is still much more.