We have all been sitting in front of our televisions in shock and disbelief as we watch the horrific images of the fire storm engulfing houses and destroying communities. There is nothing I can do to change what is happening. It seems there is nothing I can do to help.
My family home was nearly lost in a Southern California wildfire when I was a teen. I know what it is to be told to evacuate and look through your home for one last time wondering if you will ever return. What can I take? What must be left behind?
I helped a family who lost everything when their home exploded from a fireball in the Panorama Fires of 1980. While we cannot change what has happened, we can each do something. It’s not complicated, it’s simple. It’s not time-consuming, in fact, it is energizing because we are helping instead of sitting. Don’t feel pressured to do something you are not good at or to do everything suggested here. Instead, choose one or two things that you can do.
What to Say
- “I can’t begin to imagine what this must be like for you. I want to help.” Make a specific offer of what you can do to help.
- “Nothing can undo this tragic loss, but I want to be with you as you rebuild your life.”
- “You have been on my heart ever since I heard the news. I am available to_____.” State what you are planning to do.
- “I’ve been a part of many wonderful times in your home.” Then share one with them.
What to Do if you Live Nearby
- Go to evacuation shelters and volunteer to serve food, hand out supplies.
- Show up to help clear the debris with shovels, boxes, trashcans and pick-up trucks.
- Bring food, drinking water, cases of soda, containers of coffee, for those who are helping.
- Get clothing sizes and purchase clothing essentials such as T-shirts, underwear, jeans, nightgowns, robes, and jackets.
- Purchase age-appropriate toys for the children who have lost everything and are so traumatized.
- Offer computer access or download and print out emails for the family.
- Be the spokesperson for the family, forward calls to your number, and provide updates by phone or email. Maintain the family email list and send out news and requests.
- Package good quality clothing according to size and gender and deliver to shelters or community centers. Don’t bring old and worn-out castoffs.
- Invite a family to dinner.
- Purchase journals to record memories of special things that happened in the home, items that were lost and sentimental stories.
- Provide linens such as towels, wash clothes, bedding and blankets. Purchase travel size toiletries and snacks.
- Paper goods such as paper plates, paper towels and toilet paper are always needed.
- Plan a starting over shower with both practical gifts like appliances, linens and tableware as well as some nonessentials like a crystal bud vase or delicate set of stemware.
What to Do if You Live Far Away:
- Send light, humorous reading material. Concentration levels are very low, but easy to read distractions are welcome.
- Stay in continual contact even after the dust has settled. There is so much to be done.
- Make a Donation to the American Red Cross – So. Cal. Fire Relief Fund.
- Purchase gift cards for restaurants, department stores and gas stations.
What to Write in a Card
- I can’t believe this happened! I will be with you, and together we will work to rebuild your lives.
- You are a precious friend. May you find the courage to face tomorrow as you rest in the knowledge that we care.
- May the love of those who care deeply surround you during this difficult time.
- You are in my heart and I want you to know that I care about you and your family. I would like to spend every Monday with you, helping you _______.
- What lies ahead must seem overwhelming. Know that I am here for the long haul. Rest in the knowledge that I care and will be here for you.
You can make a difference. Commit to reach out, show you care, be on hand to listen, support and love the families who have lost so much. You may be the one light they have in the midst of a very dark and stormy sea.
What have you done for a family in need? Share your comments here.
Lauren Littauer Briggs’ book, The Art of Helping, touches a felt need we all experience — wanting to help a hurting person, but not always knowing what to say or do. Both practical and inspirational, this book combines sound tips and suggestions, reference charts summarizing what to say and do in comforting situations, plus poignant personal stories to create a complete guidebook for anyone seeking guidance on how to effectively help a hurting friend or loved one in a time of crisis.
I only personally know of one family who has lost their home. The nephew of one of my girlfriends. She told us that his three-year-old daughter keeps wanting to go home. She doesn’t understand. She is crying for her toys. After reading your post, my friends nad I have already agreed to send toys to the little girl. My friend is getting the an address where we can send somethings and toy suggestions. We’ll go to Amazon and have them sent–hopefully before the end of the evening. Thanks for the suggestions!
I just want to update my post. The family had several other requests so they did an Amazon registry. What a great idea! The address to send items is hidden in the registry–so that stays private. My friends and I didn’t need to collect up money to purchase and send one gift. We each just went in and bought what we wanted with the confidence that these were items they needed and wanted. In case anyone else is interested, here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/registries/gl/guest-view/105Z07AJJFXKC
When my in laws home burned, I put together an organizational box with folders, files, pens, pencils, paper, paper clips, scissors, tape, etc to create a very basic “control center” where they could keep things like bills and receipts. When things felt so out of control, especially in the first few days, it was a simple anchor point to keep home business and rebuilding info together.
Lauren- I loved your “what to say” ideas!
When my in laws home burned, I put together an organizational box with folders, files, pens, pencils, paper, paper clips, scissors, tape, etc to create a very basic “control center” where they could keep things like bills and receipts. When things felt so out of control, especially in the first few days, it was a simple anchor point to keep home business, inventory, contacts, and rebuilding info together.
Great ideas. I can just imagine how it helped.
Thank you to Julie Fluitt for helping us while our electricity was off because of the fires. Julie loaned us their solar battery so Randy could sleep using his CPAP machine. It’s often the little things that make such a difference. Others have stored our frozen foods in their freezer, two friends loaned us battery for our cell phones, one friends brought me an ice chest so I’d have a way to keep my cream for my coffee cold and another friend loaned us a generator we we could get our refrigerator working again. All together, we were without power for over three days.
Excellent l, timely advice.