We live in a world that sometimes feels hopeless. Lately, I have had several friends who have either lost a spouse or a parent. These are such low points in our lives. Grief is not something we like to think about. It’s hard, even if your loved one got sick and you cared for him or her, and it was difficult a tough time, when that person actually dies it hurts. It’s so painful. The emotions can be overwhelming. And each person grieves differently. If you’re in this experience my heart goes out to you.
Today, I am addressing, how experiencing loss changes us. It can take us into a lot of feelings we didn’t even know we had. I’m thinking back to when my mother-in-law and my mom’s life both changed in one year. My Mother-in-law, Carolyn had a surgery that went bad and my mom had a stroke a few months later—leaving her paralyzed on her left side. They both ended up in assisted living at the same place. Going up and down those hallways, caring for them both, was a time I will never forget. If you have had the experience of caring for your loved ones at this stage of life you know how emotionally and physically draining it can be. You love them so much and see them struggling and you do the best you can being there for them.
They both died at the end of that same year, three weeks a part. I don’t think we’re ever ready to lose the people we love. I can remember how there was so much to do for a long period of time, working through the detail stuff. I was not myself. So many decisions to be made and then one day, you’re sitting there on the other side with grief. For me it came in waves. I remember trying to make sense of it all. I had all the emotions to work through, sadness, anger, disbelief, emptiness—all of it. If you’re in this place, I’m so sorry. No one really prepares you for this time.
Looking back over that year and a half, the one thing that was a constant, was my faith. I got up early every morning, no matter how tired I was, and had a quiet time with the Lord. I wrote to the Lord in a prayer journal. This time was so important for me. I was in a Bible study that gave me encouragement. I had some close friends I would try to see occasionally. I even saw a Christian counselor at one point, trying to make it all make sense. One of the things I am most thankful for, is that my husband and I had each other through all of it.
I mentioned earlier how this experience changed me. When I hear of someone that has lost a loved one, my heart feels compassion. I feel the need to reach out and let them know I will be praying for them that they feel the Lord’s comfort. This reminds me of that verse 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV):“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
For me, looking back, having people reach out meant the world to me. Not because they could do anything, but just knowing people cared was a part of the healing.
It took time, longer than I thought. It’s been a marathon not a sprint. Even now when a memory comes up, sadness comes up too. And sometimes it’s a feeling of thankfulness. I stopped asking all the why questions or could I have done something different to have changed the outcome. I am at a place now where when I do think back on the time I had with both that year before they died and see what a blessing it was to really care for them and spend that time with them.
Today, I am writing for that person that may be in the middle of grief. I don’t have any quick fix ideas. I do know that this is part of the human experience. It’s a hard part of living in this fallen world. People die, and it doesn’t make it any easier if they are older and have lived a full life, we still miss them, it still hurts when they die. And I do know from my own experience we do come out on the other side of it.
We do not get through this life without going through hard times. I am grateful I could have hope in hard times. My faith is what brought me through my loss and gave me resilience. Even though it’s been many years now. I’m thankful for my personal relationship with the Lord. He brought me through the most difficult time I’ve experienced in my life up to this point. I hope you have a personal relationship with the Lord too! That’s my prayer and hope for you. The Bible has so much to teach us as we go through the hard things in this life.
New to The Best-Life Project?
Please read these foundational posts:
Read More from This Author:
Read More on this Topic:
When You Experience Grief AND Relief
How to Help When the Smoke Clears
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure. For more information, visit: http://morningswithmonette.com/.