From a Resentment Mindset to a Freedom-Forgiving Mindset

Next in our continuing series on Mindset Shifts from a Christian perspective we are going to talk about resentment vs. forgiveness. When I throw that out there, what does that bring up for you? I feel this is a hotbed topic that no one really likes to address. We have all been hurt! This topic you may take you back to your childhood. For some you’re thinking of your spouse, it’s that friend, that family member, the ex-business partner, co-worker, ex-husband, or it’s a sibling. It’s that person, or even that organization, that you just can’t forgive. You can’t let it go. Just thinking about it puts a pit in your stomach. You’re reliving the injustice just thinking about it and it stirs up anger in you!

Here’s a comparison of the two mindsets’ impacts.

Resentment Mindset (sometimes called your “pain story”):

• Bitterness
• Emotional prison
• Holding on to pain
• Reliving the hurt
• Internal punishment
• Captivity to anger
• Desire for justice or revenge

Freedom Forgiving Mindset (sometimes called your “freedom story”):

• Release and let go
• Grace and mercy
• Peace and healing
• Freedom from bondage
• Trusting God’s justice
• Obedience to Christ
• Restoration and reconciliation
• Spiritual and emotional liberation
• Reflecting God’s forgiveness
• Walking in joy and peace

As you read the differences, what does that list bring up for you? Are you feeling the resistance; doing battle with me right now? Is your brain is doing battle with these contrasting lists? You’re thinking: “Yeah but you don’t know my story.” You’re right I don’t know the specifics. What you have experienced is painful. I’m not here to negate that at all. But I’m here to tell you, I’m with you, I’ve experienced very painful injustices in my life. This mindset shift from resentful to freedom forgiving mind is the most difficult mindset shifts of all the ones I feel I’ve talked about in this series. I’ve lived in both camps. I’m here to tell you the longer we hold on to our resentment even as justified as it feels, we will be held captive by this pain. I felt that  go of the resentment—until I learned what I’m going to share with you today. If you accept what I am going to share with you, this will not be easy, but this will change your life.

Why do we all struggle with getting along with each other. Why can’t we live in peace with no conflict? It goes back to the fall of man. God’s original plan was that we would live in peace and harmony, and walk with God. When man sinned in the garden, disobeyed God and ate from the tree of good and evil and sin came into the world and we were separated from God, then he removed Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden, this is where conflict began. I encourage you to read and study Genesis. This is when humanity was cursed. The scripture, Genesis 3:16, shows that after the fall conflict and struggle now exist in human relationships, especially between men and women, as part of the curse from sin. So, there you have it. We will all experience conflict. It’s in the first book of the Bible. And we find the Solution in the Bible.

Living at Peace and Forgiving Others

Becoming a believer in Christ offers the solution to the conflict and separation that began at the fall. Jesus teaches us to forgive others, love sacrificially, and seek peace in our relationships. He calls us to:

• Forgive generously: Jesus said to forgive “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:21–22), showing there is no limit to how often we should forgive.
• Be kind and compassionate: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
• Pursue peace and restoration: As God desires to restore our relationship with Him, we are called to be peacemakers and seek reconciliation with others.
• Live by the Spirit: Believers are empowered by God’s Spirit to overcome selfishness and conflict, showing love, patience, and self-control in their relationships.

Through faith in Christ, we can experience God’s peace and extend it to others, breaking the cycle of conflict that began with the fall.

So, how do we live this out? We have been given free will. Even when we come to know Christ, we get to choose. Do we do it our way or do we do it God’s way? This is one of the lessons I keep having to re-learn and keep applying to my life. Life can be difficult. Human relationships can be complicated. When we are dealing with people, the truth is we are living our lives from our perspective (our sinful perspective). We tend to think we are mind readers and know other people’s intentions. We really don’t. We are all guessing. We sometimes misinterpret people’s intentions and motives. Sometimes we get it wrong! It can be a day-to-day conflict.

I’m not here to say evil does not exist and that bad things don’t happen. They do. Some people have gone through horrific things. However, staying in bondage to our pain stories are like an emotional prison. Forgiveness is ultimately the answer!

Christian Perspective

• Resentment is like an emotional punishment we inflict on ourselves when we cannot enact justice externally; it destroys the resenter, not the offender.
• Forgiveness frees us from the chains of bitterness, opening the door to peace and reconciliation, reflecting the heart of Christ.
• Forgiving others is a command tied directly to receiving God’s forgiveness (Matthew 6:12-15), and it restores our spiritual health and relationship with God.
• Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong but releasing the offender into God’s hands, breaking the prison of resentment and bitterness.

Results of a Forgiveness Mindset (Christian Perspective)

• Freedom from Bitterness and Resentment

Forgiveness releases us from the emotional prison of bitterness and resentment. Holding onto unforgiveness keeps us trapped in re-living the pain, but forgiving breaks those chains and allows us to move forward in peace.

• Freedom to Experience Inner Peace and Healing

Letting go of anger and the desire for revenge brings emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness opens our heart to God’s peace, allowing us to experience relief and restoration, rather than being weighed down by negative emotions.

• Freedom to Restore Relationship with God and Others

Forgiving others is closely tied to receiving God’s forgiveness (Matthew 6:12-15). It restores our spiritual health and renews our relationship with God, while also making reconciliation with others possible.

These freedoms reflect the heart of Christ and invites us to live unburdened, in alignment with God’s grace and mercy.

Action Steps for Shifting from Resentment to a Freedom-Forgiveness Mindset

• Decide to Forgive

Make a conscious choice to let go of resentment, even if you don’t feel like it. Forgiveness starts with a decision, not a feeling.

• Pray for Help

Ask God to give you the strength and willingness to forgive. Rely on the Holy Spirit to empower you, since forgiveness is often too hard to do alone.

• Pray for the Offender

Pray for the person who hurt you, asking God to bless them and bring healing to both of you.

• Stop Rehearsing the Hurt

Refuse to keep replaying the offense in your mind or talking about it with others. This helps break the cycle of bitterness.

• Release the Offense to God

Trust God with justice and let Him deal with the person or situation. Surrender your desire for revenge and control.

Moving from a resentment mindset to a freedom-forgiveness mindset means choosing to release bitterness and stop reliving your pain story. Resentment keeps you in emotional captivity, while forgiveness—rooted in Christ’s example—sets you free to experience peace, healing, and restored relationships. This mindset shift is difficult but life-changing: it moves you from internal punishment and anger to grace, mercy, and spiritual liberation. Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong, but releasing the offender to God and walking in the freedom and joy Christ offers.

Look at your heart today. Do you have a resentful mindset or a freedom forgiving mindset?

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Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure. For more information, visit: http://morningswithmonette.com/.