When Happy isn’t in Your Holidays

Like many holiday seasons, right now we have the TV specials, movies and magazines filled with bright, happy faces of people enjoying this time of year. But what if you are filled with a sense of hopelessness or deep sadness instead of those wonderful feelings of peace and joy?

Although I don’t have any easy solutions for the losses and the harsh reality of your life, here are a few suggestions to help when happy isn’t in your holiday.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Whether you’re facing the end of a special relationship, a death or the loss of your job, or your health, the holidays can be a painful reminder of “what once was but no longer can be.”

Recognize that the season of sorrow may coincide with the Christmas season. Be willing to accept the sadness, the anger and disappointments rather than struggle and fight against them. As Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Grieving means recognizing and verbalizing all of what you lost. One loss brings many more losses. For example, the death of a spouse can bring the loss of lifestyle, home, or income. Whether you make a list or a collage, recognize the many challenges and changes you would have never chosen.

Express Your Feelings in a Healthy Way

Avoid the tendency to want to numb the pain of loss by spending hours on social media or shopping. Choose to feel and constructively express all the emotions you’re experiencing. Maybe for you that means crying or writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Perhaps it helps you to talk to a safe caring friend or counselor.

One young mother said, “The pain was so difficult I thought it would pull me under forever. But I realized if I continued to ignore or numb my feelings with busyness, food, binging on Netflix like I had been doing, I’d stay stuck in the pain.”

And she’s right.

If you are suffering this holiday season, give yourself permission to grieve and find safe ways to process your feelings–even if it seems like those around you think this is the most wonderful time of the year.

Let Go of Some Old Traditions

When we deal with a major upheaval, we quickly find we have little energy to deal with the normal routines of life. Be gentle with yourself and realize your Christmas will be different.

You won’t have the energy of previous holidays because loss depletes us emotionally, mentally, and physically. Stop and ask yourself what is most important? What can you do this year? Maybe instead of baking dozens of cookies for friends and relatives, you focus on meeting the basic needs of your family.

Develop New Traditions

If the sadness results from death or divorce, our “significant other” will no longer be part of the holidays. What new traditions could be established?

Reaching out to others, for example, helps to take the focus off yourself. Maybe you take flowers to someone in a nursing home or call that co-worker who is facing the holidays alone. Reaching out to others often causes our problems to shrink in size.  

Accept Help and Support  

Although most of us prefer to give help rather than receive it, sometimes it becomes necessary to accept support. Rest in the knowledge that God can provide through others as he helps to meet your needs.

While I do not know what you are facing this Christmas, remember the season of sorrow will end. It just might not happen as quickly as you want.

---

Georgia Shaffer is a Professional Certified Coach and licensed Psychologist in Pennsylvania. She has written 5 books including Taking Out Your Emotional Trash and A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss. Georgia loves to equip women through online coaching groups such as ReBUILD After Divorce, Taking Out Your Emotional Trash and Healthy Healing Relationships.

Georgia enjoys working in her backyard garden (Mourning Glory Gardens) near York, Pennsylvania. To wander through her garden, where the seeds of hope first took root for her and continue to be a key part of living her best life, visit www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/garden