The Sudden Exit Club

What has 2024 been like for you thus far? Are you energized, determined, and happy, or has the first week of the year brought medical issues, sudden loss, and grief? My reality is the second part of the list.

On January 3, 2024, I came home from a short errand to find my husband dead at the top of the back stairs. He had been to the gym that morning. We had breakfast together. We talked before I left. When I returned the house was quiet. I thought Jim was upstairs in the bonus room. I made a cup of hot tea and went up the front stairs to join a 2:00 pm Zoom meeting. As I reached the top of the stairs, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. The hall was dark. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I realized Jim was on the floor.

“Baby, are you okay?”

No response.

As I knelt beside Jim, I knew all was not well. No familiar rise and fall of his chest. Icy hands. And his beautiful blue eyes set and unseeing.

“Did you leave me?” I whispered, shaking him gently. And of course, the silence was a resounding “yes.” My sweet man, my husband of 43 years, suddenly flew to Jesus. Jim’s transition to eternity came easily, in a flash. However, reality for those of us still on earth is hard.

Perhaps you, too, are dealing with a hard reality at the beginning of this year.

Here are some insights I can share in my first days of widowhood:

Cherish Every Moment

In recent months, God stirred my spirit with the words “cherish every moment.” I took that admonishment to heart. A Waffle House breakfast. A quiet evening together. Holding hands in bed early in the morning before we spoke. Time with family. I drank in every moment like sweet nectar and savored it.

Cherish moments now. Let little frustrations and irritations slide. Revel in the company of loved ones and give thanks.

Appreciate Support

Enjoy, appreciate, and be thankful for those who come along beside you to lend support. Whether you are dealing with illness, death, or another life crisis, let people “do” for you. Graciously accept gifts of love and service.

Sometimes people don’t know what to do and make statements that seem inappropriate. Overlook their awkwardness and extend grace.

Give Yourself Time to Adjust

One of the hardest parts of being a member of “the sudden exit club” is accepting your new normal. I still expect to walk downstairs and see Jim at the kitchen table or napping in the recliner. When I wake up with my hand on his side of the bed and there is no warmth, my eyes leak.

Adjustment takes time, and each person’s journey of grief is different. Avoid putting a timeline on yourself. When emotions are raw, don’t squelch them. When joy bubbles inside, enjoy without guilt. Give yourself all the time and space you need to adjust and move forward.

Lean on the Everlasting Arms

Eternal God is sustaining me during these days. He has given me peace that is like no peace the world provides. God’s loving compassion surrounds me and his strength supports me.

When your life storms come, lean hard on God’s everlasting arms, trusting that His plan for you, and those you love, is for your good, their good, and His glory.

Celebrate as You Mourn

Jim’s celebration of life service was a time of great joy. We laughed. We enjoyed. We celebrated a life well-lived. I rejoice that my husband is free from chronic disease. Removing his insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor and saying, “Baby, you don’t need these anymore because you’re well,” was a very good part of an awful experience.

The first responder, who held my hands and prayed for me after he confirmed my husband was deceased, ministered to me in a moment when my world tilted.

You, too, will find moments of celebration in your hard journey, if you look for and recognize them. Your momentum may be slow, but you will recover and resume forward motion, even when it is very difficult. The devastation you experience now will give way to lighter moments, like the dawning of a new, sun-filled day. Expect brighter days ahead and hold on to hope.

“My friends, we want you to understand how it will be for those followers who have already died. Then you won’t grieve over them and be like people who don’t have any hope. We believe Jesus died and was raised to life. We also believe that when God brings Jesus back again, he will bring with him all who had faith in Jesus before they died” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 ESV).

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Candy Arrington is a writer, blogger, speaker, and freelance editor. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotionals published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).

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