How many of you know of someone who has gotten a divorce because of infidelity? Because I’m talking to women, you may be thinking I’m talking about men having affairs on their wives. Women have affairs on their husbands too! This subject is something most of us don’t want to acknowledge. But it is real! Is your husband trustworthy? Are you trustworthy? In the world we are living in, we are experiencing an attack on the family. The world continues to try to redefine our morals.
Starts out so Innocently
I’m going to share just a few real life stories, I witnessed first-hand that were wake up calls for me! I’m sharing these not to gossip but to point out how affairs can start out so innocently!
For years, I was part of a Bunco group—a group of women that come together once a month to play a game, hang out, and drink wine together! We all became close to one another. One gal, I can’t even remember her name so I’m not sharing this to be a gossip but to share how something that started off so innocently turned out to be so horrific—at least to me. You know how we women seem to be always struggling with our weight and our fitness? Well, this one gal was an inspiration for all of us! She dropped a ton of weight and was getting really ripped with muscles. Then this one night she shows up and makes this announcement she is getting a divorce. We were all shocked! She said she was no longer in love with her husband. My husband and I were friends with her and her husband for many years prior to this. She shared how she fell in love with her personal trainer. She had two young boys. She divorced! There was so much fall out for her two sweet young innocent boys! This was so ugly, all of it and it had started out so innocently!
Here’s another story, I have played tennis for years! You meet a lot of people. Years ago, I used to play mixed doubles. That is where men and women team up together to play other men and women in doubles. I knew this guy who came out and played mixed doubles with us. He would show up and talk about how his wife did not like playing tennis and she was learning to square dance. Sounds innocent enough right? Until he shows up one day and says my wife is filing for divorce, she met someone square dancing. That’s not the end of the story, in the next few months, this guy was calling my married gal friend wanting to spend more time with her. She, of course, did not! But this all happened in a matter of a few short months. I saw this same story play out with another friend of mine whose husband met another gal playing tennis with her and he divorced my friend and married her! I’m telling you these stories because I witnessed them 1st hand. Infidelity is real! This was a big wake up call for me! I made a personal decision not to play mixed doubles. Tennis is my thing not my husband’s thing and as much fun as mixed doubles was—and it could have improved my tennis game—I removed myself intentionally! Have you witnessed any stories like this? I have witnessed so much heartbreak.
Again, I share those stories not to be a gossip, but because this is real life. And it goes both ways. Men are not always the ones who have affairs. Infidelity destroys marriages but above that it destroys lives. I’ve seen it happen countless times in my lifetime!
Are There Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage?
We live in a fallen world! The world says follow your feelings! Do you know how dangerous this is? We are all vulnerable to the temptations of the world! We must guard our hearts and our minds. If you are a believer and you are not growing in your faith by being in the word, I believe Satan knows we are easy prey. Sounds dramatic? I don’t think so! Our deepest desire is connection! Marriage has its different seasons. The verses that are coming to mind is Ephesians 6:11-13 (NIV):
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
This Bible verse emphasizes the importance of putting on the armor of God to stand firm against spiritual challenges.
Practical Suggestions
In your marriage, there should be no secrets….your phone, your social media those things should always be available to your spouse to read if he wants or you to read your spouses! If that’s not the case, what are you hiding?
Do you monitor your social media feed? I find it comes in waves of men reaching out to friend you. If you’re not on social media at all you may have no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t just not accept these random men friend requests, I block them immediately. For me I really make an effort to only friend women friends on social media. I want to be smart! I want to protect my marriage! I use social media I to promote my podcast and my main audience is women. I do not need to be validated by men.
Here’s another one, affairs don’t just happen. We know when someone is attracted to us, we know that feeling in our gut when something is not right and when we flirt with that we are putting ourselves in harm’s way. Women must be on their guard! Listen to the nudging of the Holy Spirit, listen to your gut!
Some of you are not going to like this suggestion but this is a big one! If we leave our husbands wanting physical intimacy and then a person comes along and allures him, and entices him with physical intimacy, it is easier for him to fall. You may think, “oh no that would never happen!” I’m here to tell you it does happen. More than you might think! By no means am I saying this is OK or condoning this, but this is what happens! When I hear married friends say: “We do not have a physical relationship.” My radar goes up! We want to be naive and not believe this, but it is true! I did not say it is right, I’m saying it is true!
I am not here to tell you these things to be dramatic, to scare you, I’m telling you these things because I have been a witness to them. You must protect your marriage. Satan wants to destroy marriage. As we talked about in Genesis, Satan didn’t show up in the garden until Adam and Eve were married. This is real.
Some affairs do not even have to be a physical affair, they can be emotional affairs too! It could be the co-worker, tennis friend, the man in the pick-up line as we pick up our kids that wants to go have a cup of coffee and discuss parenting. When someone of the opposite sex becomes the person you start confiding in and wanting to spend more and more time with, this is a dangerous place. This is an emotional affair.
The world is alluring! We live in a sexual culture! The world continues to define right and wrong. I’m not talking about religion here! I am talking about a spiritual battle. Things that start out innocently often do not end well. There is a lot of carnage.
I feel strongly on this topic! If your vision is a loving, thriving, passionate marriage, look at this area of your life seriously. Are you playing with fire or are you the woman that is naive to think this could never happen to your marriage. I am here to tell you; Satan is alive and well and wants to destroy your marriage. Pray about this, look at some of the suggestions I’ve given you. Come up with some of your own. This is a very serious topic that we don’t want to talk about. I’m share what I feel God puts on my heart. Even the hard subjects.
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.
Thank you Monette. Sad, but so true.
Thank you, Monette! this happened with my father. Sadly, he became involved with a woman in our church. The ramifications are devastating, and as when Pastor told me, the effects last for generations. It made me very aware. he also aptly stated, “Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, cost you more than you can pay.” thank you again for the reminder and warnings for all of us.