I believe that one of the best kept secrets of the most stylish women is that they know when to say yes…and when to say no…to style choices. The most stylish women—the ones who always look effortlessly pulled together and tastefully chic—know that they don’t have to participate in every fashion trend, utilize every style hack or wear every trending color to stay in step with good style. Today let’s take a cue from these women and learn ten questions we can ask ourselves so we can make wise style choices and look as fabulous as they do…without copying every single thing they do!
It’s especially smart to ask yourself these questions when you start looking at new fashion trends and colors for an upcoming season. And as we replenish our summer wardrobes (or whatever season at the time you’re reading this), we’re wise to review these questions. In fact, I’d suggest asking yourself these 10 questions each time you read my blog posts, especially when I offer style choices. Not every tip I offer will work for you.
Each time you consider adding a trending color or style, trying out a current style hack or wearing a new piece of clothing, first ask yourself…
Q #1 – Does it fit my personal style aesthetic?
My personal style aesthetic or style angles are classic, effortless and elevated. Those are my style angles. You get to make up your own personal style aesthetic, too. That’s the joy of fashion. Every woman gets to determine for herself what message she wants to communicate with her clothing choices.
And that’s exactly what a style essence is, by the way. It’s the story you tell the world with the way you dress. If you still need some help determining your personal style essence, you might enjoy the other posts in our Define Your Style…Refine Your Wardrobe style series, especially How to Define Your Personal Style.
Stylish women have put their signature on their style and wear it boldly.
Q #2 – Do I like this?
Shoot. If you don’t like a particular garment or color or style hack, stop right there. Again, you absolutely do not have to participate in any trend or formula you don’t truly enjoy. My mom doesn’t like to wear orange or even red very much. I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter. But if she doesn’t like wearing orange dresses like mine below, she certainly shouldn’t buy it.
Of course, I also believe a truly confident and beautiful woman will not need to tell everyone she doesn’t like something. Especially if other people seem to be enjoying that garment, color or style. Ahem. No, the most stylish women just quietly make their personal style choices and allow others to enjoy the things they don’t without feeling or intimating that they are somehow right, and others are wrong.
A stylish woman enjoys wearing what she likes.
Q #3 – Does this work well in the wardrobe I’ve cultivated?
In 2019 I did a pretty extensive blog series about Building a Wardrobe that Works for You. If you haven’t read that series of posts, you can always find them in the top menu under FASHION. But I suggest you start with the post, 9 Keys to Building a Wardrobe that Works for You.
The bottom line is that rather than just accumulating clothing you like, you might want to build a wardrobe that works together beautifully. Anytime we consider bringing a new garment or accessory into that well-cultivated wardrobe that we’ve worked so hard to fine tune, it’s wise to ask if it will “play well” with other things that are already in your closet. If it doesn’t, resist the urge! We’ll be talking more in this present style series about how to “refine your wardrobe” in the coming months.
A stylish woman curates a wardrobe that works for her over time.
Q #4 – Is this a color that is in my selected personal color palette?
If you’re considering adding a garment or accessory in a new and trending color, it may well not be in your chosen color palette. That’s okay. But if it’s not, I suggest you consider purchasing that new color in an accessory or inexpensive garment such as a t-shirt rather than a wardrobe essential or expensive garment. If you like the color, but you don’t feel it looks great with your coloring, you might could purchase it in a pant or skirt, something worn away from your face.
But it’s so important for us to embrace the colors we’ve “limited ourselves to” because this limit is actually going to serve us well in the end. Remember, the stylish woman knows when to say no. Saying no to a trending color doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it; it just means you’ve wisely determined a) it’s not a great color for you or b) it doesn’t play well in your cultivated wardrobe. Sometimes style choices are hard choices.
A stylish woman wears the colors that make her look and feel her best…regardless of what’s “in.“
Q #5 – Does this work for my body shape?
As much as it thrills me when readers pause to comment and thank me for my style tips and tell me how they’ll use them, I also actually like seeing a few women comment that some of my tips might not work for them. That shows me you’re thinking through many of these questions and considering your personal style choices. And one of the most important questions to ask yourself when I suggest a style hack or formula is “Does this work for my body shape?”
For instance, if you’re an oval shape, you may just need to tune me out when I suggest tucking your shirt. That doesn’t hurt my feelings one iota. I don’t want to give you bad advice. But only you can determine if something I or any other blogger suggests is good for your body shape.
A stylish woman knows, embraces and dresses her unique body shape.
Q #6 – Does this help me create the most pleasing proportions?
But it’s not enough to know our body shape. We also need to know and constantly consider our unique body proportions. The goal is to use our clothing and accessories to create a “golden ratio” in which one portion of our body appears to be roughly 1/3 longer than the other. The longer portion could be the top, as when you wear a dress, or the bottom, as when you wear long pants and a shorter top.
Even before we consider our own personal body proportions, that’s no easy feat. Especially since there are dresses that are longer than two/thirds of your body and pants that are shorter these days. That’s why you’ll often see me tuck my shirt when I’m wearing cropped or ankle length pants. That little tuck, even if it’s just partial, helps to define where the waist is and it corrects the proportions.
And when I wear a longer dress, I generally want to make sure the waistline, once again, is defined. It doesn’t have to be tight, but a simple line in the right place can help create more appealing proportions.
However, your unique body proportions have to factor into creating those pleasing proportions. If you are high waisted with long legs, then you may not need to tuck in your shirt to create those magical proportions. But someone with a long waist and short legs will almost have to wear higher waisted pants and cropped tops or tuck that top in to get those same proportions. This is just another reason why our style choices are truly personal choices.
A stylish woman knows her unique body proportions and how to work with them optimally.
Q #7 – Will this draw the focus where I want it or where I want to avoid it?
One of my readers pointed out that the tips I proposed for wearing socks stylishly in winter in this popular winter blog post would draw the focus to her shoes. She was absolutely right. For many of us, that’s not a problem. But for her, it would be. This is a woman who knows what parts of her body she wants the focus to be on and those where she’d rather divert the attention. Smart lady. She can make wise style choices based on her personal preferences.
Do you know what part of your body you want to draw attention to? Don’t say none. That’s not a good answer. I like to draw focus to my eyes and my balanced proportions. I also don’t mind having focus on other parts of my body. But I work pretty hard to divert attention from my calves and my upper arms.
A stylish woman knows her assets and draws attention to them appropriately and tastefully.
Q #8 – What does this garment (trend, color, style hack, etc.) communicate?
The science of enclothed cognition purports that our clothing says something about us to other people. Not only does it communicate our style choices, however. It can also carry deeper meanings that we may or may not be aware of. We’re wise to consider the messages our clothing communicates about us.
For instance, if you are in a position where you need to exude authority and intelligence, you may want to wear more red and/or black. If you need to earn the trust of your clients, patients or students, you may choose to wear more blue. And if you want to put your teammates at rest and ease, then you may select to wear green. And those are just colors.
Your footwear choices, sleeve length, collar and fabric choices also communicate subtle messages to those who encounter you. Consider what your clothing and the way you wear it may be saying to other people.
A stylish woman knows her influence and uses her style to accentuate it.
Q #9 – Does this work on my frame?
Besides considering your body shape and proportions, a stylish woman also takes into account her frame. If you’re petite, for instance, you may not want to carry a large tote bag that would only overwhelm you. But if you’re tall or large framed, you might want to think again before choosing to wear that trendy skinny belt.
A stylish woman embraces her unique frame and uses it to take up the space she is due.
Q #10 – How do I feel in this?
When all is said and done the most beautiful thing you can wear, besides your smile, is a little self-confidence. And let’s face it, you’re more likely to smile if your confidence level is high.
Sometimes I love the idea of something. But when I put it on my body, it just doesn’t work. Maybe it doesn’t feel like me; it doesn’t feel authentic. Or maybe it feels itchy. Or maybe it binds and bulges or sags and bags. Whatever the case, it doesn’t feel good.
On the other hand, when I feel good in my clothes, it shows.
Stylish women feel good in their clothes and it shows.
Now, that’s not to say we should never push ourselves beyond our comfort zone a little. I do believe that some new trends or style hacks take a little (or a lot!) of getting used to. So don’t be afraid to give something new more than a few spins around the block before determining if it’s a good fit or not. Otherwise we could easily talk ourselves into just wearing our pjs all day, every day.
Also, I’m not talking about fit here. Obviously fit is key. But that’s a question to ask of a particular garment. The ten questions I’ve posed here are more for trying out a new concept. We want to be able to make personal style choices based on good information. But, yes. Definitely make sure your clothes fit.
Thank you for stopping in today. I appreciate you reading today’s post. Let me know if you have questions or thoughts about making wise style choices that you’d like to share. Have a great day!
Copyright © 2024 Kay Harms. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally posted at dressedformyday.com
Kay Harms is a professional writer, speaker, and mentor. She started Dressed for My Day to encourage 50-plus women to care for and dress their bodies in a way that would help them influence our world positively and with grace. Kay has a journalism degree in public relations from the University of Georgia. She’s originally from Georgia, and still prefers her tea sweet, but she’s moved around over the years in Ministry and now lives in Cincinnati, Ohio. Now that her two children are grown and gone, she and her husband James are having a blast! He takes most of the pictures featured in Dressed for My Day.