(Part 3 of Mini-Series on Breakthroughs)
I’m going to share with you some of my real-life breakthroughs. I know one thing is true, if I can do it, you can too!
A Quick Review
A breakthrough is a moment of clarity when you see something differently. It brings a feeling of excitement because you know you are on to something big; a fresh new way to look at something. It happens in an instant it’s like the veil has been removed! You’re calm yet excited at the same time. You know at that moment your life is going to change.
It Felt Pretty Dire
I’m going to take you back. Imagine sitting in your backyard on your porch feeling completely numb. You have just spent the past year-and-a-half experiencing three deaths: sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and your mom. You’re now past all the stuff that is dealt with after your moms die. The houses cleaned out and your mom’s house sold. Everything distributed and all that goes with that. You’re now an empty nester, your youngest is now in college. And your husband and you are at a completely new stage in your life, not sure what your next move will be. You’re kind of friends, but you’ve both been so busy taking care of children, aging parents, and you now are just with each other.
Ok, so here is what happened. It only gets better from here. They say sometimes something has to break for you to experience a breakthrough. Well, that’s what happened. I could either sit and wallow in my grief and suffering or I could wake up. I was spending a lot of time in my Bible and prayer. I was reading books. I was reading one book in particular, it was like a “workbook” book. It had you do a lot of self-reflection. It had you looking at each area of your life. You rated how each area was going, rating that area on a scale of 1 to 10. Most of the areas were about a 4 or 5. I rated my marriage at that point at a 2. This is where the breakthrough happened. I got honest with myself. My life sucked. I was miserable. At this time, I had a very good friend I was meeting with. She had been married for 35 years and was going through a crisis in her marriage that would, ultimately, end in divorce. I didn’t know at the time how many marriages end after being married that long. This was my wake-up call.
Sitting there on my porch was when God got my attention. “Monette, everything is about to change. This is going to take a lot of courage. You are going to have to die of self. If your life is going to change you are going to have to change.” This, again, was my wake-up call. I had to look at all the people I was blaming for the state of my life. I had to take a leap of faith.
As I wrote down in each of those areas that I had rated below a five, I had to decide what I really wanted. I mean really wanted. I got in touch with my soul. Not just head knowledge, my heart knowledge. I had to evaluate where I was stuck in my own certainty about what I had decided everything meant; acknowledge, the victim mentality I was living in. I had to confess all of it. This was painful. I cried a lot. I was very humbled. This is where God began to change me and show me my own stuff. Where I was people pleasing for other people’s approval; I began to see my own self-protection. This was one of the hardest times of my life.
The Wake-Up Call
But what I can see now, as I look back it, was the wake up call I needed. At that moment I experienced my “ah ha” moment; my biggest breakthrough. “Monette, if your life is going to change you must take responsibility for all of it.” It was where I began to take 100 percent responsibility. God changed me that day. Looking back, I had to be broken, from pride and arrogance, the blame game. I knew from that day forward my life was about to change. I would no longer remain in a victim mentality. I started with my marriage. I made a decision that day, I didn’t want a level 2 marriage I wanted a level 10 marriage. I made a decision to fall back in love with my husband. I decided to quit making him the bad guy. I realized I wasn’t a mind reader and I called myself out for making-up what I believed his intentions were. I went back and put myself in the memories of when we first fell in love and played those memories repeatedly. Replacing the ugly memories I could replay so easily, I did a lot of forgiving. Not out loud to people, but forgiving those people that I was holding responsible for the unhappiness in my life. I forgave them. Now, remember I did this all with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I went toward things the things that scared me and got out of my hiding place. My marriage changed, not because I changed my husband, but because I changed. (I’ve actually done a 25-episode series on my podcast about marriage. I’d love for you to go back and listen to/read those.) I am now experiencing the happiest, most fulfilling marriage—not because everything is perfect, but because my husband is now my best friend and we have so much fun together.
All the areas of my life that I had given a 4 or 5 to changed. One area, my fun area, is I play tennis. I was wallowing in self-pity there, too. I had been playing on a team for 10 years complaining about my playing time. That day, I reached out to the team captain, at the time, and asked her to out right, “Do you see playing me more than a few times a season? I explained that I was taking tennis lessons and wanted to get better. She was honest and said “no.” Talk about clarity. I now had the truth, and I had to decide what to do with it. I decided to be a tennis team captain and find a co-captain and recruit my own team, which I did. I’m happy to say it took me five years of captaining teams. I learned a lot and the team we had created finally beat my previous team that I had played on all those years in the playoffs. Talk about satisfying! And I became a stronger tennis player in the process. (On a side note, I did discover what a tough job captaining a tennis team can be. It is not for the faint of heart.) Again, I’m giving you real life examples of my own life after having the greatest breakthrough that day on my porch realizing I am responsible for myself. Through God’s help, he has changed me; changed the way I approach my life. I was sitting there feeling hopeless; pretty dead inside.
Those areas I had written a 4 or 5 have, for the most part, all been elevated to above a 7. Even as I sit here addressing this with you, having this opportunity is a product of having those breakthroughs on my porch that day. If I wanted a vibrant enjoyable life I had to create one. Figuring out what I love to do and figuring out who I could help with the gifts and talents I feel God has given is how the idea of being a podcaster was born. And talk about scary going toward the thing I knew nothing about and putting out that first episode, telling my friends about my podcast and putting it on social media. Are you kidding me? I feel God has given me a voice and a platform to help people just like me that are suffering, feeling lost, or have lost hope.
I also feel I can be that person for someone who feels like quitting. Perhaps they’ve been successful, but have lost their energy and what they really want. As I sit here reflecting through the 235 episodes I have put out, the constant thread is sharing ideas and tools that can bring you your own breakthrough.
Here’s a quick recap of what I’ve learned that brought about the breakthroughs I’ve just shared.
As I’ve shared, I’m a bible believing Christian and I believe God woke me up, it was through prayer and God’s guidance of his Holy Spirit he showed and transformed my thinking.
Self-Reflection
Take time to honestly evaluate different areas of your life, identifying where you feel stuck or dissatisfied. Actually, rate them on a scale from 1 to 10.
Responsibility
Accept full responsibility for your circumstances and recognize the need for personal change rather than blaming others.
Courage and Faith
Embrace change with courage and faith, understanding that breakthroughs often follow challenging periods—but taking action was the catalyst. I did it whether I was scared or not.
Forgiveness and Letting Go
Forgive those who you feel have wronged you,(even if some of it was just your perception of what happened. Also, releasing a victim mentality.
Action and Commitment
Set clear goals for improvement in various aspects of your life, such as your Christian walk, relationships, health, or career, and commit to taking actionable steps towards these goals. Even taking small steps at first and getting momentum that will carry over into the other areas. And keep going, don’t quit.
My journey has not been without setbacks. They’re part of life. We are all human. But as I’m speaking from the heart here, I just want to assure you, I’ve been where you are, I’ve felt the way you’re feeling. And if my life can change and get better, because I was ready for a breakthrough, your life can be better too!
I believe God has plans for each of us. Sometimes it’s us that gets in the way of his plan. I truly hope you do the exercises I’ve suggested. You might be right where you need to be to experience a breakthrough.
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.