Encouraging and equipping women over 60 to live their best life!
Contemplating the year ahead has given thought to the advantages and blessings of being the age I am. I say advantages because I choose to look at the positive side of life! After all, there really isn’t anything I can do to change what stage of life I am at, and it’s a lot better than listing all of the unfortunate maladies, doctor’s appointments and issues of aging!
Are you having fun with the person you have chosen to do life with? Fun will look different for each and every marriage. What I think is fun in my marriage probably won’t appeal to you. But I will say, the more fun I have with my husband the more in love with him I feel. Learning to laugh at myself, even when I blow it and admit my mistake—but have the courage to snicker about it, this has been huge for me.
You, too, will find moments of celebration in your hard journey, if you look for and recognize them. Your momentum may be slow, but you will recover and resume forward motion, even when it is very difficult. The devastation you experience now will give way to lighter moments, like the dawning of a new, sun-filled day. Expect brighter days ahead and hold on to hope.
What is going on in your brain about your marriage? Only you know these thoughts. Our thought life comes out in our actions. Really think about this. Here is a little example, if you are mad at your husband about something, how do you treat him? With love and affection, probably not. You probably pull back emotionally. Or, maybe you lash out over something small. Your heart-life matters. It comes out in our actions.
As 2023 ends, what I simply want to convey to this “Living Your Best Life” Sixty Plus audience, is that I am going to continue to look for, abide in, cling to, bring as much as possible to others, but mainly, choose JOY in all circumstances as I am barreling through my sixth decade—and, I pray, for several more beyond.
We can love our imperfect husbands! God can show us how! God has given you this gift of marriage to show you who you are, and He’s given you a person to love and to love you; to teach you and train you to love—even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage teaches you to stop building a self-protective exterior. The world teaches you to build barriers, create boundaries, love yourself, build your self-esteem—which is the opposite of God’s design for marriage. Our goal is to get you back to that loving, thriving relationship with the man you married.
I’ve read the marriage books, gone to the seminars, gotten all the tactical things to try to make a better marriage. And you know what? They work temporally. They are Band-Aid fixes. But they will not work long term. Why do I know? Because it’s not about getting more head knowledge. I can give you all the scriptures to back up the foundation of why marriages are difficult; that Satan is prowling around ready to devour marriages. All of that is true. As a Christian, you know some of the verses. You may be a better Bible scholar than I am. Your problem is not that you don’t have enough information. The problem is you don’t believe it is you!
Why didn’t God give me unconditional love for my spouse. It is not the same. I can remember some of our first arguments. I can remember when I felt injustice, unfairness, his anger, words I said that I still regret in a fight we had 20 years ago. I have a pretty good recall of the ugliness we went through in our marriage. I’ve wondered why didn’t God give me that same unconditional love for my husband that he gave me for my kids. Have you ever thought about this?
I find that unworthiness is the root cause of many of our issues in marriage. I briefly talked about it in the previous installment and want to go deeper on the topic now. Do You Feel Unworthy? Do you ever feel unworthy? Can you remember when you first felt these feelings? I think it can…
“I feel badly for my kids and stepkids during the holidays,” Amber, a stepmom explained. “They are shuffled between homes, unfamiliar traditions, and new stepfamily members. I can tell it’s stressful for them. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier.” Amber recognizes the complexities and tension the holidays can stir…
