While many have tossed the whole idea of New Year’s resolutions, I like them—though I like to call it New Year’s Goal Setting! I think it is invaluable to have thinking and planning time!
In this installment, let’s have a planning session; a thinking and Journaling time. You may want to read all the way through and then set aside some time to answer the questions in a journal.
Marriage Planning Session
Start with your imagination. What would a loving, thriving passionate marriage look like for you? Write down all the details. Have fun with this. Let go of all the stuff; all the baggage. Take a time-out from all the negative stuff you are holding onto. Ask yourself the question: If my marriage were everything I would want it to be, what would that look like? This is going to be very important. We can be our own worst enemies, giving up hope and getting stuck in an old mindset. The new year, is the perfect time to take a fresh look. It’s your life. The same-old is always available.
If you’ve come this far with me on this series of marriage, you know I am all about practical steps. Pray about this and get your heart right. Again, I believe God wants thriving beautiful marriages for his children. With that as our starting point, what if we really poured into this idea of setting some goals. A goal is an idea we have for ourselves that we create that is measurable.
Before we set the goal, however, we must decide why it is important to us. You may have never thought about using goal setting to create an incredible marriage. But why not? We set goals for weight loss, for the amount of money we want to make in our businesses, for exercise, etc. Why not make some marriage improvement goals? We get good at what we practice. We get good at things we find are important enough to put time into. Doesn’t it make sense to look at our personal relationship with this person with whom we have vowed to spend our life and put some thought and planning into this most important area of our life?
This is About You
These are your personal marriage goals. Remember this goal is not to change your husband. Could you imagine your husband coming to you and giving you weight loss goals that you should take on? We are talking about you; you taking 100 percent responsibility for you. We cannot change people by telling them what to do! If you have been married for any period of time, you know this truth. This is about taking the time to really think about your marriage; to create a vision that is compelling. What does that loving, thriving, passionate marriage look like to you? This should be light and fun! If you could create something great out of your marriage, what does that look like to you? We have a primitive thinking brain that likes to look at what can go wrong; where we need to be fearful. We create all these layers to protect ourselves; to continuously worry. This is the opposite of what God calls us to do. We are to trust him, not in ourselves. This verse that comes to mind: Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV):
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
This verse encourages us as believers to bring our concerns and worries to God through prayer, and in doing so, we can find peace and trust in His guidance. This is why I want you to start with prayer. You must trust and surrender all your worries!
Now, that description of marriage that you desire and you wrote down, would God be pleased with your answer? Seriously, if you believe God is a loving God and loves his children, is there anything wrong with your desire of having a loving thriving passionate marriage?
What if this year we focus on our marriage and who we are within our marriage? We do this by writing mini-goals of where we feel things can improve for us personally and for the big goal of having a loving thriving passionate marriage. Let’s start the year with some fresh, new ideas.
What is happening in your marriage that you know is not good? Here are some ideas to get your mind working. Are you sleeping in separate bedrooms, are you out of the habit of kissing each other goodbye? Do you have any intimate names you call each other like babe or honey? Do you have a physical relationship with your husband? How often? Do you go on dates? Do you have a trip planned together? Do you plan fun things to do together? Do you do anything that makes your husband feel like you appreciate him? Do you say: “I love you?” Do you flirt with him? Do you laugh together about anything? Do you not feel good about yourself physically? Are you tired? This is your thinking time, your brainstorming time. This is going to be unique to you. Put your brain to work.
Dream, Imagine, and Open Up Your Mind
Remember, all change starts by telling the truth. Maybe some of the ideas I threw out make you uncomfortable. Maybe you think your marriage is too far gone. Nothing is too big for God. But this is where you must be willing to look at the state of your marriage and be honest with yourself. Where can it use improvement? Write it down.
Could what you wrote down be the very thing, that if you took a look at it and made a mini-goal with a deadline, to make yourself do that particular thing differently? What if that is the very spark your marriage needs?
What we are doing is creating a vision for your marriage! Proverbs 29:18 (KJV) comes to mind:
“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”
This verse emphasizes the importance of having a clear and righteous vision or guidance, this vision leads to the well-being and happiness of his people. It highlights the significance of having a purpose and direction in life.
Making Marriage Your 2024 Goal
What if, for 2024, your purpose is creating that loving, thriving, passionate marriage?
Take the brainstorming you did on the different areas of your marriage that could be better. Separate all the ideas into different categories. These are a few suggestions:
- Communication that builds intimacy
- Physical
- Time together
- Shared interests
Under these categories write the mini-changes you’d love to see. Next, write down small actions you personally can take to improve that area.
Put some dates on these mini-changes you are going to experiment with (this is important). Without a deadline, it is easy to put off trying these things; fear and procrastination will set in. It’s not truly a goal without a deadline. This will put us into action.
Remember, we are going to take baby steps, and give ourselves the space and the grace to experiment. You’ll find out some things will work, and some things won’t. If something doesn’t work, try something else. Don’t quit and don’t give up. The present state of your marriage did not happen overnight and revitalizing your marriage will not happen overnight. Writing all of this out creates your game plan. It’s for you personally. It’s going to be your new playbook for this coming year. If there is anything worth fighting for, why not let it be your marriage; where you spend the majority of your time in your life?
We can all talk a good game and fantasize about having a loving thriving passionate marriage but it is going to take action. Are you willing to accept the challenge? Are you willing to set the time for you to plan and think about your marriage? Are you willing to pray about it and do the things God is putting on your heart to do?
In closing, here are the action steps I want to you take! Get out the journal!
1. Reflect on Your Vision. Start by imagining what a loving, thriving, passionate marriage looks like for you. Write down all the details. Be creative and have fun with this. Let go of any negative thoughts or past issues. What does your ideal marriage look like to you?
2. Prayer and Surrender. Begin with prayer, trusting in God’s plan for your marriage. Trust Him to guide you and help you in your journey. Surrender your worries and anxieties about your marriage to Him, as mentioned in Philippians 4:6-7.
3. Set Mini-Goals. Brainstorm ideas and separate them into different categories like communication, physical intimacy, quality time, shared interests, and more. These mini-goals should address the areas in your marriage that need improvement or change. Assign specific dates and deadlines for each mini-goal.
4. Experiment and Persevere. Understand that not everything will work right away. Be willing to take baby steps and experiment with your mini-goals. If something doesn’t work as planned, don’t give up. Instead, say to yourself, “If this doesn’t work, I’ll try something else.” Remember, revitalizing your marriage is a process that takes time and persistence.
This exercise serves as your personalized game plan for the coming year. Your marriage is worth the effort! With dedication and faith, you can create the loving, thriving, passionate marriage you desire. It’s a challenge, but it’s a challenge worth accepting. Are you ready to take action and work on your marriage? The choice is yours.
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.