How to Overcome Fear with Courage and Rediscover Your True Peace

How much do you allow fear to control your life?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how much we allow fear to control our decisions. I think if we get honest it controls more of our decisions than we want to admit. What’s interesting is it doesn’t matter how old we are. You would think with all the life experiences that we go through we would have less fear. From what I’ve witnessed it doesn’t work that way.

I learned a long time ago that there is real fear which is the kind of fear that keeps us alive, that is part of our instinct. But there is also unrealistic fear. Fear of the unknown, Fear of failure, fear of rejection! These fears are not life or death scenarios they are thoughts of what might happen. Think about your own life right now. How many things are you currently obsessing over because of some unrealistic fear or fears?

I feel this is such an important topic. Many people do not realize the consequences of staying in a state of fear for long periods of time and what it does to our physical health and our mental health.

Negative Physical Health Effects:

• Weakened immune system

• Increased risk of cardiovascular or simply put heart problems

• Gastrointestinal issues (stomach issues)

• Higher likelihood of chronic conditions

The Negative Mental Health Impact of staying in a state of fear for a long period of time:

• Increased risk of anxiety disorders and depression

• Impaired decision-making ability

• Reduced ability to focus

• Diminished joy and quality of life

Let’s think back to the pandemic. It’s just been a few short years since COVID hit. So much fear was experienced across the world. Every news station displayed the daily death tolls. It was a very fearful experience. And there are still so many unanswered questions about what we experienced. Personally, I feel we were a part of psychological warfare. So much fear. I don’t want to get into the weeds on that topic, I just want to point out that many are still experiencing the lingering effects from that time. Yet, living in fear is not healthy.

Here, I don’t want to address fear in general examples, but rather to look at, our day to day lives and how unrealistic fears can govern our decision making. I want us to address our fears face on. I feel fear is the leading reason people get stuck in their comfort zones that can cause them to wake up one day and realize all of the opportunities they passed up.

So my question is: “In what area, or areas, are you experiencing fear? Is it your unmet goals? Is it the fear of being irrelevant? Is it the fear of not making a perfect decision? Is it the fear of rejection? Is it the fear of what you feel people are thinking of you? Is it the fear of not measuring up to some expectation of where you thought you would be at this particular point in your life and you are not there and fear has taken over? Is it fear of being a disappointment? Or maybe you have children and you are constantly fearful for their wellbeing.”

This topic isn’t talked about that much because I believe a lot of us hide behind a mask. But our secret life is exploding with all kinds of fears. If this sounds like you, I want to share that you are normal, there is nothing wrong with you. Having feelings and a thinking brain is what sets us apart from all of the animals in the animal kingdom.

Our brains are different from those of animals because we have a very advanced part called the cerebral cortex, which helps us think, plan, and communicate in complex ways. This allows us to do things like use language, create art, and think about big ideas like life and death. Because of this, we experience different kinds of fears that animals don’t, like worrying about the future or feeling anxious about our choices. Humans are unique in how we think and what we can do.

While this cerebral cortex, is what sets us apart, it also allows us to imagine the worst.  The fear we can produce with our imagination is limitless. I can remember back in the day when I lived alone and would watch a scary movie. Did you do this? Even though I knew I was watching a make believe movie and I knew it was fiction, before the movie was even over, I turned on every light in my apartment. I looked behind shower curtains and checked the closets. With my imagination, I put myself in such a state of fear, I would sleep with the lamp on. The fear felt real but it was in my imagination.

We can agree there are realistic fears and we can also agree on the fact we have unrealistic fears. Earlier I asked about where you are experiencing fear. Think about where you are holding on to some never-ending fear cycle. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

We have to take an honest look at where we are holding on to fear and worry. As I always say, real progress starts by telling the truth. I would suggest you take out a journal and write these fears down. Write a list of fears you have swirling in your head. Write down the fear that wakes you up at night and you can’t quit thinking about it, and you can’t go back to sleep. Putting our thoughts on paper gets it out of our head. Before I walk you through the next piece of this exercise, I want you to pray about this. I want you to lay the list of fears at Christ’s feet and surrender and trust. The verse that comes to mind is 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” This is important! Ask God to remove these fears, to give you the faith and trust that he will bring you through this. Satan is the father of lies and if he can keep us in a place of fear, he keeps us paralyzed and ineffective.

Here’s an exercise I learned many years ago in a Bible Study. At the time, I was plagued by fear for my son who was in high school. I became obsessively fearful with my thoughts. I worried about him all the time. Now, you pick one fear and follow this chain of thinking. Write the fear down. Mine was: “What if my son gets in a terrible car accident?” I wrote out the fear. And then, I was to write if this thing that you fear happens, what would you do? Then once you do that, you write continuing with this question, and then what would you do. The question continues with what you would do then. You do this until the worst possible thing is written down and then what you would do. At that point, you realize that with God you can get through anything.

What this did for me, as I believe it will do for you, is give me a thinking tool, that can be used over and over again. Realizing there is nothing too big, too painful that you, with the Lord, can’t get through together. This brought me through what I felt like was a mind battle. And it worked! I have used this with small fearful things too, like when I first started my podcast. What if no one listens?

Using this exercise, then what would you do, and then what would you do? What I realized is it was just a fearful thought. But by facing this fear full on it gave me the courage to face that fear!

So, this fear you are holding on to that is giving you sleepless nights, no matter how big or how small, get real with yourself and tackle the fear head on. Taking away all the fearful juice from the scenario by walking yourself through the worst thing that could happen, will help give you clarity, and take away the magnitude of how massive your brain has created this fear to be! The thing that you’ve given all this excessive time to will probably never happen. But our brains look for evidence to justify how we are feeling. Sometimes our feelings are in such a fearful state we need to intervene and get ourselves out of that state! Use this exercise!

Another next thing I want to share with is how to get over unrealistic fears. Maybe it’s the fear of trying something new. I learned this idea back in my days of selling books working on 100 percent commission putting myself through college. The phrase was “Action Cures Fear.” Doing this summer job through college I faced a lot of rejection. So, no matter what you experienced at one house, when you knocked on their door, even if they were rude and said they weren’t interested, you said thank you and you went to the next door. No matter what. You didn’t sit down and feel sorry for yourself. Many times, the next door you met the nicest person ever. Action cured the fear. What a valuable lesson to learn!

My advice if you’re stuck and overwhelmed with fear, take some form of action. If you’re in the job market and you’ve got yourself in a place of fear. Do something! Send that resume. Send that e-mail. Call a new recruiter. Action cures fear. If you want to meet new people, go to that event. Join that group. Volunteer at your kids’ school, even though you don’t know anyone. You want to start that business, start by taking action on a small scale. Try it out. You will see, action cures Fear.

These are a few ways to challenge yourself about unrealistic fears. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of trying that new thing.

I think the biggest thing that holds people back is we allow our fears to become so big that we choose to stay small in our thinking. Life has so many great opportunities and sometimes we miss out. We can overcome our fears and worries. I challenge you to put these tools into action!

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Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.