If you’ve been reading to my last two posts, you know we’ve uncovered two truths:
- Communication alone doesn’t fix intimacy.
- Desire isn’t broken—it responds to connection and emotional safety.
Today, we’re moving into the action phase. No checklists. No tips that feel forced. No “do this or fail” pressure.
As I share these ideas with you I want to share what God has done in my marriage—and how He can guide yours—as you rebuild closeness, playfulness, and desire in a gentle, faith-filled way. My marriage continues to be a journey, and I can tell you truthfully, I could not have imagined that God could lead and transform our marriage to this loving, passionate thriving relationship. But he has, it is better than I could have ever imagined! I’m so glad you are here trusting me, I know God has brought you here for a reason.
Friend, I know what it’s like to feel stuck:
You want intimacy but feel distant.
You want romance but fear the intimacy you one had is gone forever.
You want desire but feel awkward or guilty.
I’ve been there. I remember so vividly a morning after a particularly tense week—the kids no longer living at home, grief was heavy, and my husband and I barely connected. I thought, “Is this all there is?”
That’s when God began teaching me that rebuilding intimacy is not about performance—it’s about presence, safety, and playfulness.
Here’s a truth I want to anchor in your heart:
Intimacy isn’t a moment. It’s an atmosphere you create over time.
It’s built in:
- Soft gestures instead of harsh words
- Appreciation instead of criticism
- Laughter instead of tension
- Curiosity instead of assumptions
In my own marriage, I started small. A gentle touch in the morning. A playful grab during the day. A shared smile when we passed in the hallway.
These little moments stacked up. And slowly, intimacy began to return.
3 Gentle Ways to Rebuild Intimacy
Hack #1: Play Like You Did When You First Met
When Leland and I first met, we laughed constantly, teased each other, and even danced in the kitchen.
Years later, we intentionally brought that back:
- Silly challenges
- Impromptu date nights
- Inside jokes and sending each other funny reels
Play doesn’t feel forced. It softens hearts. It invites desire back naturally.
One evening we put on old music, danced in our living room, and laughed until we cried. That night, I felt alive in our marriage again. Desire wasn’t missing—it had been waiting for safety, joy, and connection.
Hack #2: Share Your Heart Honestly
- Vulnerability creates closeness.
- Admit your feelings
- Express small desires and longings.
- Avoid blame; invite understanding.
I remember how scary it was when I really opened up. When I took risks sharing that I wasn’t doing well after everyone died. I missed the kids. I opened up and shared ideas I had that we could do together now that the kids were gone. I dropped that idea I’ll tell you what I think you want to hear. That was a lie. What my husband really wanted was to know me, all of me. I dropped the mask and expressed my thoughts without filtering them. I began to take physical risks between us. That honesty opened the door to connection that had been quiet for years.
Hack #3: Invite God Into Every Moment and especially to be the center of your marriage
Believe me the world does not approach marriage this way.
Faith is the secret ingredient in lasting intimacy.
Return to physical church together (after covid we went church hunting, we realized some of our values did not line up with the values of the church we had been attending so we found one that did! And we found it together.)
We made Sunday’s special again, we go to church and a fun brunch afterwards, making the whole day a small celebration of rest and renewal together!
I have a quiet time each morning where I pray to the lord and thank him for my marriage. I pray for my husband. I pray and ask God to give me a selfless heart toward my husband and I ask God to show me ways to show respect for my husband and show me ways to love my husband.
I prayed for God to help me lead with love instead of frustration. That prayer transformed ordinary conversations into opportunities for connection, warmth, and desire.
Friend, I want you to hear this:
You are not too late.
Your marriage is not broken.
Desire is not gone.
When Leland and I intentionally layered playfulness, honesty, and faith over our everyday life, intimacy returned. Even decades into our marriage, we now have spontaneous laughter, candlelit dinners, and quiet mornings that feel magical.
You can experience the same. It doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be intentional.
Gentle Reflection Questions for this week
Ask yourself:
- Where can I add playfulness this week?
- What conversation have I been avoiding that could bring us closer?
- How can I invite God into the little moments today?
Even small changes—soft gestures, playful laughter, heartfelt honesty—can shift the atmosphere of your marriage.
Call to Action
Now it’s your turn:
Start with one small playful act today.
Have one honest conversation that you have been afraid to have, have it this week.
Invite God into it all.
And if you want ongoing support, encouragement, and connection with women navigating this same season, come join my private Facebook group:
Empty Nest Wives – Rebuilding Intimacy & Connection
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Friend, God continues to work miracles in my marriage—and He can do the same in yours.
Even in the quiet mornings, the playful evenings, and the shared laughter—He is at work.
Your marriage can be joyful, fun, and deeply connected again. Desire can return. Intimacy can flourish.
Let’s walk this journey together. 💛
New to The Best-Life Project?
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Read More from This Author:
Monette Sedberry is the host of the weekly podcast Midlife Marriage Makeover, where she encourages Christian empty-nester wives to rebuild connection, spark fresh joy, and invite God back into the center of their marriage. A lifelong learner and storyteller, Monette shares practical wisdom, faith-filled mindset shifts, and honest reflections from her own journey—both on her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project. Her words flow with honesty and compassion, giving women hope that change is possible.
Monette lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and love adventuring, traveling, and savoring this new season of life together. Learn more at: http://linktr.ee/Miracle_Marriage
Such great wisdom and suggestions! THANK YOU!