Encouraging and equipping women over 60 to live their best life!
Are you having fun with the person you have chosen to do life with? Fun will look different for each and every marriage. What I think is fun in my marriage probably won’t appeal to you. But I will say, the more fun I have with my husband the more in love with him I feel. Learning to laugh at myself, even when I blow it and admit my mistake—but have the courage to snicker about it, this has been huge for me.
What is going on in your brain about your marriage? Only you know these thoughts. Our thought life comes out in our actions. Really think about this. Here is a little example, if you are mad at your husband about something, how do you treat him? With love and affection, probably not. You probably pull back emotionally. Or, maybe you lash out over something small. Your heart-life matters. It comes out in our actions.
As 2023 ends, what I simply want to convey to this “Living Your Best Life” Sixty Plus audience, is that I am going to continue to look for, abide in, cling to, bring as much as possible to others, but mainly, choose JOY in all circumstances as I am barreling through my sixth decade—and, I pray, for several more beyond.
We can love our imperfect husbands! God can show us how! God has given you this gift of marriage to show you who you are, and He’s given you a person to love and to love you; to teach you and train you to love—even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage teaches you to stop building a self-protective exterior. The world teaches you to build barriers, create boundaries, love yourself, build your self-esteem—which is the opposite of God’s design for marriage. Our goal is to get you back to that loving, thriving relationship with the man you married.
Recently I followed the advice of a well-respected massage therapist in town who helped me cure a “trigger finger” on my right hand. As a pianist and vocalist, I was really beginning to suffer. The therapist told me that she soaked her hands four nights a week in castor oil because of the properties in it that reduced inflammation. She told me that she would not be able to continue her work without it. I covered my hand with it that night and placed a surgical glove over it. The next morning, the swelling was 70% gone! Now, after a few nights of the same treatment, I can safely say that my Trigger Finger is 98% healed.
I think it’s easier to share misery than it is to share celebration. I’m not saying I don’t fall into this trap from time to time. But what I want to address here is re-training our brain. Taking the time to evaluate our default thoughts and, if we don’t like them, we can make a conscious effort to see them and redirect those thoughts and change them. We are creatures of habit. But I fully believe we can change.
Everything we do, even the most mundane task, we have a reason for why we do what we do. Most people never think this way, but with everything we choose to do, or not do, there is a payoff. There is a reason why we are doing this all day, every day. We may not even be consciously thinking about it, but this is the way our life works. Everything from the big decisions to the little mini choices, we have reasons why we do the things we do.
We must always hold onto hope. And we must never let go of the hope of healing—even healing from our sexual traumas. We can experience freedom from shame’s grip. We can experience freedom from the lies we have lived with for many years.
Sadly, this is just one more symptom of being post-menopausal (at least we don’t have to deal with having a period). But the good news is there are medications that are effective. For me, bladder Botox was the best option.
If you reach a point when grief doesn’t diminish and you can’t find joy in anything, it’s time to seek help from a minister, doctor, counselor, or support group. There is no shame in asking for help.
