Six Things I’ve Learned in Six (Plus) Decades

Success is Measured By What We Give

This is a challenging concept; it is counter intuitive. But oh, so true.

The problem with getting is that we can never get enough. We live in the Land of Wantmore—more attention, more approval, more admiration, more skill, more talent, more good looks, more money, more satisfying relationships, more free time. There is no finish line in the Land of Wantmore. Never do we say: “Enough.” We are stuck on the treadmill, forever to strive, never to arrive, because getting flows from the outside, in. And we do not control what flows from the outside, in.

Giving, on the other hand, flows from the inside, out. We—and we alone—are in charge of our own resources. We are designed to be ever discovering, assessing, developing, and investing them. Like precious gems, they are waiting to be mined. Like laughter, they multiply when shared. Like a muscle, they get stronger with resistance. Like money, they grow when properly invested. Like a mountain stream, they are determined to forge a path to pour out where most needed.

May we be ever giving where we are suited to meet needs.

Time is Our Most Valuable Commodity

This, too, is counter intuitive. All human resources boil down to 3 categories: Time, Money, and Energy. 

Money

Most common mantra, “If only we had more money, we could…” Let’s take a closer look. Financial resources are not like a pot of gold to be divided equally among the leprechauns. Money, like love, is ever regenerating itself. What one woman gets is not what the next woman loses. Quite the contrary, what one woman gets can become the seed that enables many women to get. Our actions affect our financial resources. We have a measure of control over our money.

Energy

We have a measure of control over our energy. Great misfortunes such as illness and accidents occur all too often, no doubt. But rare is the adult who cannot affect their own energy level. Modern medicine has taught us that good nutrition for our bodies is as critical as quality gas to a car. If we pour maple syrup into our cars, we can expect problems. If we work our heart and body with a bit of resistance, we grow stronger. In addition to nutrition and exercise, our alcohol and substance consumption, our sexual encounters, and our sleep habits greatly affect our mental and physical health, and our energy levels. There is so much we can do to affect our own energy level. Our actions affect our energy.

Time

The Good News: Everybody gets the same 24 hours.

The Bad News: When it’s Gone, it’s Gone. Use it wisely.

May we use our time wisely.

Speak the Truth in Love

In my experience, I believe people would rather hear bad or hurtful news in love than hear nothing at all. It takes courage to deliver bad or hurtful news. It’s an encounter we seem to be wired to avoid. Let’s face it; we’re cowards.

Alternative behaviors include ignoring the problem, avoiding the person, making excuses, lying, arranging to be absent, etc. It can be valuable to process the situation confidentially with a trusted friend who is anonymous to the people involved. But the most hurtful and common path is to express the problem to someone else inside the situation. Double destruction. Like throwing a lit match in dry leaves.

Just because it’s true does not mean it must be spoken, but if it must be spoken, may it always be spoken in love.

Planning for Our Death is Part of Loving Our Children and Loved Ones

It is an act of love, and our personal responsibility, to make decisions about how we want our end days to unfold. We do our children no favor to leave them with a bevy of difficult decisions to make on our behalf in a time of great stress, fraught with emotion.

A basement or attic full of our treasured “keepsakes” leaves them the responsibility for all our possessions in the midst of their grief. This is the opposite of love. Let them take what they want during our healthy years. Get rid of the rest. Storage units are a sign of the times—we’ve got way too much stuff.

Make decisions about end-of-life care and life support. Purchase a funeral and write down wishes for the service. Make a will and keep it updated. All are easier to do when we are healthy and of sound mind. These steps are acts of love that can help our loved ones avoid huge, unwelcome tasks at the very least. At best, it will help them avoid unnecessary surprises, hurt, misunderstanding, and deep relationship chasms to deal with on top of their grief.

May we love our loved ones by taking responsibility for the inevitable.

Genius is a Noun, Not an Adjective

As Elizabeth Gilbert reminds us in Big Magic, genius roams the earth, looking for a soul to inhabit. It was during the Renaissance that the term “genius” became attributed to certain artists who “earned the label.” Hence in our current culture, we freely label and describe people as “genius,” or, “a genius.”

As a Creative, it helps me to remember that Genius is a spirit given by the Author of Life. It flows freely in and out of us as the Creator wills. There is no corner on it, no monopoly, no human ownership.

There’s Water in the Well

The only question is: How hard are we willing to work for it?

Remember the oft quoted account when Michelangelo was asked,

 “How, did you carve that beautiful angel from a slab of marble?”

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

The angel is already in the marble. The water is already in the well. What we need is already there. We did not put it there. God provides.

But we do not all have equal access. Some live a mile from the well, some 10 miles, some next door. Some walk with a limp, some need to be carried, some have to carry 4 children, some can build a meager pathway, some can build an 8-lane freeway.

This is the joy of life, learning from others, finding our way, and helping as many as we can along the way, but always knowing there is water in the well. And it does not belong to us. It is God’s gift.

In this season, I write musicals for students in faith-based settings because I see a great need for this. Performing Arts Teachers and Directors need a place to find professional repertoire that honors the Lord.

The songs and shows do not come from me. They come through me. I only need to fetch them from the well.

May we all work hard and fetch well.

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https://www.faithbasedstudentmusicals.com

Marlene is a playwright, songwriter, choreographer, director, actor, dancer, and singer with a lifetime of productions under her belt across the globe.  She has worked at the intersection of Christianity and Theatre her entire career. At 64, upheld by a devoted team, she launched a platform for original, professionally-crafted musical theatre shows and songs for students to perform in faith based settings.