Building a Merry Little Band

I moved to Lubbock eight years ago when I married Chuck Tedder. I left my social network and support system that I’d developed in 20 years in Albuquerque. I was starry-eyed and in love. I didn’t think about how lonely I’d be. After I’d been here about 6 months, I literally cried to Chuck: “I don’t even have enough friends to have a dinner party.”

Now, I have so many friends that I’ve had to develop a dinner party lottery (more in another post). My dining space can only comfortably seat 8. I found that I wasn’t having dinner parties because I didn’t want to exclude anyone. As mentioned in my “Why Facebook?” post, I now have an excel spread sheet of 47 girlfriends who are active in the events and activities my friends and I coordinate and have nearly that many more on the group’s Facebook page who are inactive. These girlfriends are a big part of “living my best life.”

Network of Friends

We have a lot of fun! Pictures are posted on Facebook. As a result, I frequently have people ask me how I did it; how I developed such an amazing network of friends. I’ve been asked to write an article on it. But I thought: “where would I publish such an article?” This forum answers that concern.

Then, as mentioned previously, my friend Patti came to visit from Albuquerque. Her sister had moved to a new town and didn’t have any girlfriends. She asked me what advice I’d have for her sister. This topic moved to the front burner.

Be Intentional

The short answer is: “it was very intentional.” Having a terrific group of girlfriends didn’t just happen. First, I had to realize I had a need.

I started with the Nextdoor app. In December, after I’d been in Lubbock almost a year, I was in bed one morning having a pity party. I lay there thinking to myself: “If I was back in Albuquerque, I would be preparing to host my church’s women’s Christmas party.” But I wasn’t back in Albuquerque. While I had found a new church home in Lubbock, I knew church politics enough to know that I couldn’t go to the leadership team at my new church home and suggest that I host a Christmas party for the women. There would be too many hoops to make it happen within a week or two. So, while still in bed, I pulled up the Nextdoor app. For those who don’t know, it identifies and verifies people who live in your specific neighborhood. People post announcements about lost pets, shady characters, items for sale, and ask for recommendations. I posted an announcement about a possible women’s Christmas party. Within a few hours, I had dozens of ladies interested. Several offered to help. We created a committee and made plans. About 40 women came to the Christmas party.

Once I had a party planned, I had something to which I could invite others.

I also knew one other gal in Lubbock: Yvonne. She’d been the president of her Republican Women’s Club where she lived in New Mexico—as was I. We were acquainted through our political efforts. We’d each moved to Lubbock for men—men we’d met elsewhere who lived in Lubbock. We married them. I invited her to the Christmas party. She came. We’ve become very close friends.

Another one of my dearest friends is also the result of the Nextdoor app. I knew her in New Mexico, but we were not friends. In fact, I was intimidated by her—which we laugh about now. LuAnn was the executive assistant for the primary donor of the nonprofit organization for which I was the Executive Director. She controlled his calendar and, therefore, my access to him. We’d both since left the oil and gas industry and each, without knowing it about the other, had moved to Lubbock. I posted something on the Nextdoor app using my new married name: Marita Tedder. She recognized the name Marita, but not my last name. She saw my photo and concluded I was the Marita she knew. She reached out to me. We’ve become close friends.

Later, her sister-in-law, Sue, also moved to Lubbock. She, too, had few friends in Lubbock. She quickly became part of our little group of friends. Another friend of theirs from New Mexico, Jacquelyn, moved to Lubbock and was quickly absorbed into our growing merry little band.

Wonderful Group of Friends

These efforts became the basis of the wonderful group of girlfriends I enjoy today.

Expanding the group, at a wine event, a new gal asked if she could sit with us. Turns out she was new in town too. We added her to the group. At a different wine event, we met Susan. She, too, was new in town. By then, our group had grown. We invited her to join us. She says: “Overnight, I went from having no friends to having 30!”

Kathy came into our group due to a connection made through volunteer work in the community. Naturally an introvert, Kathy had to step out of her comfort zone and knock at Sue’s door to attend her first event with our group.

Other’s we met though our involvement in the Lubbock Women’s Club. But, once again, we watched for those who were new in town and needed friends.

Church Interactions

Two of the newer members of our group came because I serve as a greeter at my church—fifth Sunday of the month (which means I only serve occasionally). Upon greeting them, I ask if this is their first time at Live Oak. If I feel a click, and they are new in town, I invite them to our next gathering. For some it works, others, it doesn’t. But several of our girlfriends, Peggy and Chloie, have come through that.

Once we had a “group,” they have begun to invite others in. Others, still, see our Facebook posts and want to be a part of the fun. As they say, the rest is history.

The key point is that it didn’t just happen. It was intentional. Starting with a Christmas party of strangers and then, watching for people who were new in town and needed a group of girlfriends.

It is worth it

When I shared these ideas with Patti, whose sister was in a new town in Arizona and didn’t have any friends, I suggested that she use Facebook to find events in her area, she didn’t think her sister would do that. But making friends is an intentional effort—one that is worth it! It takes stepping out of your comfort zone and watching for others who may need friends.

My girlfriends are a big part of living my best life. This is what I did. What ideas do you have for making friends?

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Marita has spent the majority of her adult life working with women—helping them improve relationships, achieve their speaking and writing dreams, and being the best version of themselves they can possibly be. The author of 20 books, this Living Our Best Life Project is her newest effort—through which she hopes to challenge women to be fulfilled where they are.