Finding Love in the Second Half of Life

In the soft blue light of the predawn hour, I snuggle up to my husband. With my arm around his chest, I feel it rise and fall with each breath. I hear the gentle riff of his snoring. Pressed against his back, I inhale his familiar scent and thank God that he brought Chuck Tedder into my life. My life is so full. I never thought this is where I would be at 66, but I am grateful to be here. Chuck Tedder makes my life better.

In 2012, when I came home from a vacation with a girlfriend, and discovered my husband of 29 years had moved out of our house while I was gone, I never expected to find the life I enjoy today.

When Chuck and I met at the New Mexico Oil and Gas Association’s 2013 Annual Meeting in Santa Fe, New Mexico, we were each 55 and neither of us were looking for love. But it found us anyway.

With this background, I have enjoyed watching several of my friends find love in the second half of life. Some were looking, some were not. But in the past year or so, there have been several weddings. I asked a few different friends to share their stories with me.

Match.com

I am starting with Peggy’s story because she and Steve met online, through Match.com. Online dating seems to be the way many people meet these days. I met Peggy when she and Doug had first moved to Lubbock and visited my church on a day I was serving as a greeter. We became fast friends and we welcomed her into our circle of friends. We supported her through Doug’s sudden death while out of town on a hunting trip with a friend. A year or so after, she told us she was ready to start dating. She had some funny stories to tell us and met some nice guys. But when she introduced us to Steve, we all knew he was the one.

Peggy & Steve’s Story

Steve and I met online through Match.com on Monday, April 24th, 2023.  I had discontinued my membership on Match because I was “done” dating, I had determined it was too much work, and I would be just as satisfied being a Gigi without a life partner.  I just wasn’t sure it was part of God’s plan for me to be with someone else after Doug’s unexpected death in November 2021.

When I signed into Match.com (without membership) it displayed profiles for people I might be interested in. I clicked into Steve’s profile and read it.  He seemed to meet many of the “criteria” I was looking for, so I actually sent him a message vs. just “like” him on the site. That is when we began our connection. Because I was no longer a member, what I could do on Match was limited, by Tuesday, we moved to texting.

That night, April 25^th, we set a date to meet in person because that is how we preferred to communicate—the back-and-forth texting takes so much time and energy!

We met for the first time at a local restaurant at 5pm for “drinks” on Friday, April 28th. (Side note: I almost canceled because I honestly was tired of dating. However, I talked to my daughter before doing so. She helped me remember why I had reached out to him and agreed to meet—remember my “criteria.” He was faith-based, a smart guy [had his Law degree], family-oriented [helped with his mom, talked about his kids and how important they were to him], and good looking [even though he didn’t know how to take a selfie to save his life!]). 

Our “drinks” turned into dinner and then I invited him back to my house for another drink. We talked until all hours of the morning about everything and anything. As people our age do, we had a lot of “history” that needed to be shared if this relationship was going to be successful and that is exactly what we did. 

The basis for our relationship from that very first night was honesty, transparency, and open communication. It was the early hours of that morning that I thought I knew he was the one I had been waiting for. It was confirmed later that week when (without me) he met with my daughter and son-in-law over dinner to answer any questions they might have about him—because he knew without my daughter’s blessing this relationship wouldn’t go anywhere.

We married on February 17, 2024.  We are about to celebrate our one-year Anniversary.

There is so much to our story, there is always more to share. In the end, I found the man who completes me in a way I never knew was possible. He is truly my best friend; the life partner I always dreamed of. We each learned so much throughout the early years of our individual lives and past relationships, that we now have much clearer vision regarding how we approach our relationship. Though some were very difficult, all those steps were necessary, to get us to where we were ready for one another. God is so good!

Organically

Next, I am sharing Melissa’s story. She is a newer friend of mine. We met through the Lubbock Women’s Club. Like Peggy, she was new to Lubbock. She was going through a divorce at the time we met. Like me, she wasn’t looking to get married again. However, she had a lot of life ahead of her and was open to meeting someone else.

Melissa and Stephen’s Story

We were brought together over a mutual love of music and desire to support the Lubbock Arts community. Stephen and I first met each other because we were board members of the Lubbock Symphony Orchestra.  I attended my first meeting in August of 2022 and that was the first time we were introduced. 

Although we had a couple of social encounters—a lunch to discuss a fundraising opportunity, a “pub quiz” in support of the Lubbock Symphony—we really didn’t have a first date until January of 2024. At that first lunch, to discuss fundraising, we realized that we were both going through divorces after very long-term marriages and divorce had been a last resort for both of us. He had been married more than 50 years, and I had been married 30 plus years.  

When we would see each other at board meetings we would chat and ask how the other one was doing. We were both very unsure about what our lives were going to look like as “older singles.” I saw him at a Christmas Party in 2023 and suggested we go to dinner to “catch up.” We met for an early dinner, and we basically closed the restaurant down. 

We had a few more dates and typically wound up sitting on my sofa after each date and talking until the early morning hours like a couple of teenagers. Very early on, it became clear that we had a lot in common. From our love of God and dedication to our respective churches, to the importance of family in our lives, and our mutual love of art, music and philanthropy. I never actually wrote down on paper the qualities I was looking for in a life partner, but I sure had a mental list. He checked off every box with a few extras that I didn’t even dare admit out loud! 

He proposed to me on Easter Sunday—so it was less than 3 months from our first actual date. We were married about 6 months later. We have now been married just under six months. 

Matchmaker

Last is Daphne. I have known her the longest as she used to be a part of the teaching team for the CLASSeminars my mother and I taught for more than 30 years. Daphne lives in Arkansas. We’ve stayed in touch through Facebook as each of our lives have taken twists and turns. I saw that she’d gotten divorced and then, later, that she’d gotten married. When I asked her to share her story, I was surprised to learn she and Ron had met through a matchmaker. Does anyone really do that anymore? Apparently so! 

Daphne and Ron’s Story

I finally got healthy enough to get out of an abusive marriage of 32 years. There I was at 56 years old starting over again.  

After a lot of soul searching and therapy, I knew who I was and what I wanted. Instead of accepting the expectations of others and society to influence my choices, my next chapter was going to be written by me. 

Once my status on social media had been updated, a few men reached out to me. We casually dated and nothing felt right. So, I did what all the “cool” single people were doing and started scrolling on a couple of apps. Those stories would be an entire book on their own. 

Convinced my picker was off, I decided to go old school and signed up with a matchmaker. 

With their third attempt, Ron and I found each other. Our first phone call piqued my curiosity and sparked my hope flame. Three days later, we met for what turned into a two-and-a-half-hour coffee. From there, everything quickly aligned. It felt good, right, stable, and safe. 

We call our story crazy amazing. Our vows were exchanged in front of a small group of friends fourteen months after our first date. Sharing our story, I realized we’ve not even known each other for eighteen months yet! 

It’s scary and exciting. What a blessing and gift to experience a healthy, authentic, supportive love that up until now I never thought was possible for me.  

Advice

I asked each of these friends what advice she would offer to other women over 50 who might be wanting to remarry in the second half of life. Here are their thoughts. 

Peggy

Don’t settle! I dated a handful of other men and I stood strong in my “criteria.” If it is part of God’s plan, you WILL find the right person for you. Continue to pray and pay attention to who God places in front of you.

Melissa

First and foremost: PRAY! Ask God to open your heart and your mind to hear what he might have planned for you. Second: go out with friends even if you would rather stay home. You won’t meet anyone staring at your TV, so go to events that you enjoy. Chances are, if you meet someone there, that might just be something you have in common!  

Daphne

My greatest encouragement to other women is to always believe in and know your worth while holding onto hope. The more we know and understand ourselves, the easier it is trust our gut and stay true to our values. There’s a world of difference between compromising and collaborating. 

Marita

I agree with all of the above and would add two comments. First, as I learned from my friend Georgia Shaffer, author of the book 12 Smart Choices to finding the right guy, the biggest tip is to be emotionally healthy yourself and to be someone a healthy man wants to be with (Check out Georgia’s free quiz Are You in a Healthy Dating Relationship?).

Second, be realistic. Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good. Every long-term relationship has ups and downs and takes work.

We all hope that hearing our stories will encourage many women who might be looking for love in the second half of life—even if they don’t know it! Our stories are all different, but I think we all agree that we never imagined we’d have the life we have now. 

We’d love to hear your story!