Braces, Bifocals, and a Baby!

I can recall the exact moment that I realized that God had a sense of humor. I was sitting in the orthodontist’s chair waiting for my check-up. At age 46, I was excited to finally be getting the “perfect smile.” I also appreciated the kid friendly office as I could hear the little thunder feet of my two-year-old son coming quickly in my direction. As I reached up to adjust my glasses so I could clearly see exactly where he was going, it hit me.  “Oh.My.Goodness!  I have Braces, Bifocals, AND a Baby!”

A Mid-Life Miracle

The laugh that came out of me almost popped the wires on my braces! As I settled back to waiting in the ortho chair, I started to review the past 24 months in my mind and contemplating the next 16 plus years to come. Jesus is my rock and thank goodness I was born with a “sunny side up” temperament. It has helped me many times to maneuver through varied challenges I would face in my life with a little humor, and I am so grateful to be wired that way. I reflected on the proclamation from the doctors who told me that I would never, ever, no matter what, be able to have a child, and that appeared to be the case for several years after major surgery to improve my prospects for motherhood failed. During that time, I truly gave in to God, found the strength to move on, and found ways to utilize my God given gifts and talents. As my girlfriends were becoming empty nesters and doting grandmas, I suddenly found that I would soon be in the throes of mid-life first time motherhood.

My husband and I went from being super scared to super excited, a little overwhelmed, and then resolving in our hearts the realization that life for us was going to change dramatically. We had finally become content with the way things were and as middle-agers, were already in the mindset of thinking what future retirement would allow; and especially looking forward to how we could expand our opportunities for ministry. Early in the pregnancy, I began to feel inadequate, caught in a time warp, and right smack dab in the middle of a generation sandwich. Would I be able to handle this miracle and consider it a long-awaited blessing or would it become a burden?

Lessons learned as a Mid-Life Mom

It was amazing to have my niece, a first-time mom herself, take me, her Aunt, out shopping to set up my baby registry. The tables were turned for me to be the one taking advice and that day, I realized that motherhood is ageless. Our babies were born 9 months apart and we’ve leaned on each other a lot these past 18 years. The Bible story of Elizabeth, the very old mother of John the Baptist, and her very young cousin Mary, the mother of Jesus came to mind. They spent several months together walking through their pregnancies, praying, and sharing motherhood advice.

Like those braces on my teeth, my pregnancy stopped me from moving, was considered high risk, and required me to clear my schedule. Being stationary helped me to deepen my faith and prepare me for the huge task ahead. Like the bi-focals, my priorities were re-focused. I was able to use my story and journey to give hope to and know what to say and not say to those who are longing to have children but are having difficulties. I realized little things like no matter your title, you have a profound impact on children. The titles of grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, teacher, pastor, officer, mentor, or friend have been earned and should always be taught to children to be respected. Take your title seriously. The most important lesson is this: realize that a husband and a wife are a family and that children are an addition. After Faith, your marriage is the most important relationship on earth and the one that should be cherished the most. We learned those things in our parenting class but oh how I wish I would have known them sooner! Lastly, make it a daily task to be other centered.

Wisdom from Woman to Woman

It’s been a joy to be sought out for advice by the younger moms of my son’s friends. Being able to mentor them about self-esteem issues that plague women in their 20’s and 30’s has been so rewarding.  I also benefited from the sage advice from my friends who have already walked this path. They were able to be transparent on some of the pitfalls they dealt with during their child rearing years and helped steer me instead to listen more to my son. Being a midlife mom has been a blessing.  These almost 18 years have flown by as I was warned to “not blink” or they would.

Senior to Senior

With my senior’s graduation just around the corner and those year milestones passing quickly, I’m not looking forward to the next set of transitions. However, this senior is confident in knowing that when I was blessed with this baby, that babies bring new life, new beginnings, new goals and dreams, and the absolute truth that there is an incredible God who is in control and in all the details. 

Our son is having the time of his life! Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” We’ve done that to the best of our ability. Now, I must be prepared to move on with him and celebrate his next steps and continue to be living my best life. 

God had a sense of humor trusting me with this task in mid-life.  Having Braces, Bifocals, and a Baby all at once have certainly brought me perspective.  For that, I will be forever grateful.  

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Debbie was recently crowned Ms. Senior America 2023. She holds a degree in Vocal Performance and has performed across the continental U.S. and abroad. She’s also a talent and interview coach to contestants competing in The Miss America Scholarship Organization. Debbie is married to Scott Robbins. They have one son, Jackson, born when Debbie was 44. He is now a senior in High School.