What is Beauty?

I’ve spent hundreds of hours sitting in beauty salons getting my hair cut, colored, highlighted, straightened, trimmed, and even more time getting manicures, pedicures, facials, brow waxes, lip waxes, and massages. You name it, I’ve had it done in a salon. When I went through cancer treatment, I lost all the hair off my head, my arms, my legs, my eyebrows, and my eye lashes. I even lost the peach fuzz off my face. When I looked in the mirror, I realized I was down to the bare bones of beauty. That’s when it dawned on me just how much time, precious time, I had wasted in beauty salons. I had also spent a lot time worrying about making sure I looked a certain way. For whom? Boyfriends, husbands, friends, people I don’t even know?

Societal Pressure

As I watched my physical appearance change from a vibrant woman to an unrecognizable alien, I began to contemplate the topic of beauty and all the pressure that society puts on a woman to maintain a physically attractive appearance. For me, I began using cosmetics at the age of twelve, followed by hair color at the age of twenty-eight. In my thirties, my beauty routine expanded to include manicures, pedicures, and massages. In my forties, I began to straighten and highlight my hair and added brow waxes and facials to my beauty regimen. By the time I was fifty, I had spent thousands of dollars on beauty treatments. I did this because I thought it would make me happy and I thought others would find me attractive.

Throughout my cancer treatments, I began to ask myself if I would I go back to such an intense beauty regimen or would I feel confident enough to be my own person and create a more liberated routine? With no body hair anywhere, I was now saving both time and money and was able to focus my energy on more constructive activities. However, when I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I hardly recognized the woman staring back at me. She looked plain and androgynous, but I knew it was really me on the inside. I pondered further whether a man would find me attractive enough to sustain a relationship?

While I was traveling to California to visit my family, I had a layover at the Los Angeles International Airport. I was enjoying a brief respite at a sports bar, when in walked five young women all with different shades of long, blond hair. I watched as they talked and laughed and flipped their hair all around. I thought to myself, is beauty fake blond hair, sprayed-on tans, and heavy makeup? They were certainly attractive women, but at what cost?

Liberated Routine

During the height of the global pandemic, I celebrated my 60th birthday. This was indeed a major milestone. Salons were shut down, then reopened, then shut down again, and later reopened. All around me, I saw women panicking about their beauty. How would they handle the grow out of gray hair, lack of perms and haircuts, and worse, they so desperately needed their nails done. It was a crazy time for everyone. As I blew out my birthday candles, I realized that I had been coloring my hair for 32 years!!! OMG! For more than half my life, I had been applying toxic hair dye to my scalp every three weeks. It was then that I challenged myself to go silver. To let my gray hair finally grow out and to embrace my natural color and texture. It took me two full years to grow it all out, but what emerged were beautiful highlights and lowlights of all different shades of gray and my natural dark brown hair. To my surprise, I received so many compliments that many people thought I had had my hair professionally colored that way.

Be Courageous

Over the years, I’ve learned that there is no right way to dress or wear my hair. In this superficial world that tries to make you look like everyone else, find the courage to be yourself. Before you make your next trip to the salon, stop and ponder the question, “What is beauty to me?”

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Gale O’Brien is a writer, artist, wine connoisseur, life coach, and the award-winning author of the book Transformation: Creating an Exceptional Life in the Face of Cancer available from Amazon.com. She’s also the founder of the Passione Per L’Arte blog. A former schoolteacher, Gale knows how to set an intention to live and pursue a passionate, exceptional life. She enjoys spending her free time with family, friends, and her dog. Gale lives in New Mexico where she is inspired by the people and the art culture of the Southwest.