Do You Want a Loving, Thriving, Passionate Marriage?

Think back to the pandemic and the shutdowns. Many couples struggled when they were face-to-face with each other daily. Some decided they wanted out and ended their marriages. They were hit with the true condition of their marriage.

In this installment, I am addressing the truth coming to the surface.

• What is the condition of your marriage?
• Are you hiding from the truth?
• Are you in an intimate relationship with your husband?
• Does he know what you are struggling with?
• Do you do things together for enjoyment and fun?
• Do you talk to each other more than the niceties of life: “How was your day? Mine was fine.”
• Is your marriage just focused on the immediate day-to-day problems you are facing?

All progress starts by being honest. Are you in love with your husband?

The longer we ignore our current situation, the harder it gets. This is when we start lying to ourselves. We get complacent. I believe, Satan loves these kinds of marriages. I like to think of them as counterfeit marriages. Are you existing in your counterfeit marriage? This sounds harsh but I truly feel, if you did a poll with your friends, many may have counterfeit marriages: looks great to everyone on the outside, but truth be told, they have lost the intimacy in their marriage.

Reality is, there are no perfect marriages. We live in an imperfect, fallen world. But I do believe God designed marriage for a man and a woman to experience a relationship that can grow into a beautiful union of love, trust, and intimacy. You may be thinking that is a pipe dream. This is where, I feel, Satan does his best work. He Gets a foothold in our marriage and causes us to lose hope. When you start buying Satan’s lies and decide to live in a counterfeit marriage, you are just putting in your time. Satan wins!

I believe, just as we can be in a counterfeit marriage, we can be counterfeit Christians. Going to church doing all the religious things but have no relationship with God. Not personally anyway, just going through the motions. You may be wondering: “Why go here Monette?” It is because they are the same. We are fooling ourselves. No one knows our hearts like we do, and even then, we can deceive ourselves for a while but then eventually the truth comes out.

Did you know, people who have been married for 35 years are some of the most vulnerable for divorce? After all those years, they gave up. Do not take your marriage for granted!

So, the important questions are:

• Are you in love with your husband?
• Are you in a physical relationship with your husband?
• How important is your marriage to you?

You may be thinking you are being dramatic! Am I? What are you thinking right now? What are you feeling? Are these questions making you uncomfortable?

Where are you in your relationship? Are you biding your time, going through the motions, living in a loveless marriage? Maybe you don’t know where to turn? Here are this week’s action steps.

Step 1

Pray about it! Ask God to show your heart. Ask yourself “Do I want a loving, thriving, passionate marriage?”

The way back to this kind of relationship is LOVE. Who knows more about LOVE than any love Guru? GOD—who created marriage for love and relationship; the one who, out of love for us, sent his son to die on the cross so we could have a relationship with him. Our loving Heavenly Father, who wants to save your marriage if you will turn to him. We can love our imperfect husbands! God can show us how! God has given you this gift of marriage to show you who you are, and He’s given you a person to love and to love you; to teach you and train you to love—even when you don’t feel like it. Marriage teaches you to stop building a self-protective exterior. The world teaches you to build barriers, create boundaries, love yourself, build your self-esteem—which is the opposite of God’s design for marriage. Our goal is to get you back to that loving, thriving relationship with the man you married. We need to reject the world’s way of doing marriage and do it God’s way!

Write in your journal what the Lord reveals to you. Also, ask God to give you the ability to forgive for yourself. Satan’s foothold begins with an unforgiving heart. Write down what God shows you. Remember, I said this would be the hard part. What is this bringing up for you? Write it down.

This is where the work begins, not just listening, but doing self-reflection, allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal your heart!

In Living Fearlessly, author Jamie Winship offers two great questions to ask God when you are in prayer. First: “God what do you want me to know?” And the other: “God what do you want me to do?” Listen openly. You are in a spiritual battle. Satan wants to destroy your marriage, God wants to save it! Write down what you hear. The way you discern your own thoughts from what God is telling you is: “Does what you are hearing align with God’s truth is the Bible?” If it doesn’t align with his truths from his Word, then it is not from God!

Step 2

When you asked God what do you want me to know, what do you want me to do? Are you hearing: “You need a physical relationship with your husband.” Uh oh! I just went there, didn’t I? We are doing the truth test here.

Are you in a physical relationship with your spouse? Why or why not? Write down the truth here. I can feel the resistance. I told you this was going to be the difficult part. Do you have any physical passion in your marriage? God’s perfect design for marriage, includes the physical part of the relationship.

At the beginning of this post, I talked about counterfeit marriages, and counterfeit religion. I’m not talking about duty here. The measure for having a loving, thriving, passionate marriage is your physical relationship with your husband. Is there any passion? This area reveals your heart.

You may be thinking the Bible doesn’t talk about this, but it does. The whole book of Song of Solomon is about this. It’s about physical love! So many other scriptures in the Bible address this. This is not a head issue; this is a heart issue. I want you to pray about this, write in your journal, and use this time to be honest. This is so important. God wants you to have a loving, thriving, passionate marriage. Examine your heart right now! If you are feeling a ton of resistance, then this is going to take courage. Are you in a physical relationship with your husband?

This is your homework. As we are continuing in this series, this is your barometer test! Your marriage relationship is the deepest most profound experience of all the relationships God gives us in our lifetime. How are you treating this relationship? This relationship, outside of our personal relationship with God, is sacred. Do we treat it that way? Do we love our husbands, both emotionally and physically? Do we respect our husbands? Do they get our best?

Consider all the things I’ve just asked you. Use your journal this week. Pray about this. Do not ignore it because you feel it’s easier that way. If you want a loving, thriving, passionate marriage, and God has put this on your heart, trust me. Ask yourself the questions; do the work. Our hearts and minds can deceive us. God can reveal His truths and make us more aware of the world’s false teachings, especially about marriage. Do action steps 1 & 2. Allow God to work on your heart.

A loving, thriving, passionate marriage is possible for you!

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Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a life-long learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.