Fillers. All of us use them when speaking. Yours might be “um,” “you know,” or “right.” My four-year-old grandson’s conversation filler is: “And guess what.” Although he invites you to guess, he leaves no room for you to speak, plowing forward with his next thought— “And guess what, I have a loose tooth. And guess what, you’re invited to my birthday party. And guess what, I saw an airplane pulling a sign.”
Over the course of a week together, I noticed my grandson’s constant pronouncements of “and guess what” were positive. That revelation caused me to think about my current life transition and circumstances. Mixed with the difficult are many positives.
Following are a few of my and-guess-whats:
Guess What: Joy Comes After Loss
Several weeks ago, while at the beach with family, I was surprised by a deep, pervading sense of joy. It’s not that I haven’t experienced joy since Jim’s death, but this was the kind of joy that bubbles up from deep within, and, for the first time, wasn’t overshadowed by the emptiness of loss.
Guess What: Joy and Sadness Can Coexist
One of my grandson’s and-guess-whats gave a mixed message: “And guess what. We went out to breakfast, and you weren’t invited!” I pretended to cry. He touched my arm and whispered, “It’s OK. We’ll invite you next time.”
Sometimes we believe it’s impossible to be happy and sad at the same time, but often, joy and sadness coincide.
While at the beach, I shed tears one morning as I sat on the balcony and waited for Jim to join me. Of course, I had to face the reality that he would not walk through the door, sit at the table with me, and view the ocean. Then came the tears, but with them, a great sense of thankfulness and joy for the years we had together, and our children and grandchildren, who were on the other side of the door.
I know people who feel guilty for experiencing happiness after the loss of a loved one. It’s as if they think they are in some way disrespectful if they are happy. I, however, believe joy in grief makes it possible for us to sustain forward motion.
Guess What: Different is Still Good
Many of us don’t like change. We become accustomed to that which is familiar, and when different happens, we fight it rather than accepting. In the last six months, I’ve discovered different is okay, even good, at times.
I am adjusting to not keeping a watchful eye on Jim after 43 years. He was the one living with diabetes, but I learned to watch for signs of distress. Only those who have served as a caregiver, even at a distance, will understand when I say there is freedom in no longer claiming that responsibility.
Positives exist in new and different, but we often must look for those positives. Sometimes it’s easier to adopt a negative attitude and drop into a pattern of feeling sorry for ourselves. Even in difficult life seasons, good is present.
Guess What: Family is a Blessing
In these months of grief and adjustment, my family and church family have been a blessing. I feel their prayers and appreciate the words of kindness and comfort.
Perhaps you haven’t experienced the blessing of family and feel alone in your grief or hardship. You are not alone. God is present and willing to guide and sustain you. Breathe a prayer and he will answer.
Guess What: God is Faithful
God’s faithfulness is the glue that holds me together. Without God’s presence in this life transition, I would be undone. And guess what: God will continue to remain faithful for the next six months and beyond. God has never failed me. He is trustworthy and ever-faithful. My hope and future are in His hands.
“May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13 GNT).
Candy Arrington is a writer, blogger, speaker, and freelance editor. She often writes on tough topics with a focus on moving through, and beyond, difficult life circumstances. Candy has written hundreds of articles, stories, and devotionals published by numerous outlets including: Inspiration.org, Arisedaily.com, CBN.com, Healthgrades.com, Care.com, Focus on the Family, NextAvenue.org, CountryLiving.com, and Writer’s Digest. Candy’s books include Life on Pause: Learning to Wait Well (Bold Vision Books), When Your Aging Parent Needs Care (Harvest House), and AFTERSHOCK: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide (B&H Publishing Group).
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