Have you ever thought about emotional mastery or as some call it emotional intelligence?
We are currently looking at personal development ideas. Today’s topic is emotional mastery or emotional intelligence—which is capacity to be aware of one’s emotions, manage them effectively, motivate oneself, empathize with others, and handle relationships skillfully.
If you were to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 in the area of emotional mastery with 10 meaning you are on top of the game in this area in your life, 1 meaning you are terrible in this area, how would you rate yourself? Be honest with yourself here. If we can bring awareness and take an honest look at our behavior in this area this could make a huge impact on our day-to-day lives.
Proverbs 16:32 reads: “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” I don’t interpret this to literally mean take a city, but what if it means creating a better life we live in?
I was trained in emotional mastery in my 20’s! If you’ve been reading my posts, you know I often share about a summer job selling educational books door to door on 100 percent commission to put myself through college. This job was extremely challenging. It paid very well if you didn’t quit! I did it for seven summers. Here I had to become a master of my emotions, because if you did not get mastery over this you would not survive the summer!
Picture walking up to a door, knocking on a complete strangers door introducing yourself, letting them know you were a college student and you would share the state you were from and that you were showing educational books to all the families in the neighborhood. The first 30 seconds of these interactions were crucial! This moment is where emotional mastery came into play. We called all the moms that answered the door Mrs. Jones. She could react in so many different ways. She could be nice, she could be angry and hate salespeople, or she could say some ugly things and slam the door. You had no idea what you were going to get! This was one of the toughest parts of the job. You literally experienced this scenario 40 to 50 times a day. The things you had to train yourself to do was that no matter what her negative response was, you smiled thanked her for her time and went to the next door not letting that interaction dictate how you were going to approach the next Mrs. Jones. Learning to handle your emotions and not take the rejection personally was the key to the job. If you could figure this out, and become skilled at this one area, mastery over your emotional reactions, you cracked the code to having a more successful life. Your number one job was to find the people who buy books and could see the value in your books, that was it! Mastering your emotional response no matter the situation has been an incredible lesson that I’ve carried with me to this day! My young self’s situation is a pretty extreme example. Most people are not going to learn this skill by going door-to-door experiencing rejection from Mrs. Jones and learning to not take it personally. But what I want to emphasize here is that this is a skill, it does not come naturally to us. Many people believe that they can’t control their reactions. It’s a given, this is their personality.
But that is not true. I’ve seen many examples of successful people that have harnessed emotional mastery and that this is the key to their success in life. Whether it’s in business, sports, friendships, families and marriages, in pretty much every area of our lives, healthy relationships require a level of emotional mastery!
Think about the toughest relationships you are in. Do you display emotional mastery? Here are some steps to can take to check yourself.
Self-Awareness
You want to be conscious of your own emotions as they happen. All progress starts by telling the truth. When you are confronted with something uncomfortable do you go into a fight or flight mode? How do you react?
Self-Regulation
Have you ever been around someone who loses it constantly? Are you that person? What about getting emotionally triggered? How do you handle getting cut off in traffic or the person behind the counter who is being rude? What is your response? Hope you’re getting the idea! I feel the Bible addresses this so beautifully: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23) This should be our personal goal!
Self-Regulation is the ability to control disruptive emotions and impulses. It allows you to think before you act. This is a learned skill!
One of the earliest challenges I can remember when raising my children was helping them learn to get their emotions under control. If you’re a mom, you know what I’m talking about. We had to teach our children how to master their emotions. Not hit Jonny with the truck because he got frustrated. It was a skill that we taught and that they learned to practice. As adults we all need to look at how we react and respond to our surroundings. Do we think before we act? Self-regulation is a learned skill.
Motivation
Yes, motivation pertains to emotional intelligence. In order to be productive, we must harness our emotions to achieve our goals, to remain optimistic, especially in the face of setbacks. What is your emotional response when you don’t feel like doing something you have committed yourself to do? Do you cave in to the feeling or do you master this feeling and keep your word to yourself? Mastering emotions is key to motivation!
Empathy and Social skills
Do we sense other people’s emotions and take their perspective into account. This sounds so simple, but this will build better relationships!
If we truly want to be effective leaders at work, among our friends and our families, our emotional intelligence is significant to our social skills.
Has this topic of emotional mastery/emotional intelligence challenged your thinking? It challenges mine! Get out that journal! Write down the answers to these questions: At the beginning when I asked you about your emotional mastery, how did you rate yourself? What came to mind for you as I was talking about emotional mastery/emotional intelligence? Are there some areas where you could improve? Looking at ourselves and evaluating this specific area is the first step and it can immensely improve our life. It will take work.
Pray about this, the Bible speaks to the importance of self-control, patience, and managing our emotions in a Godly way. Developing emotional intelligence is a key part of our spiritual growth and maturity. With God’s help, we can learn to be “slow to anger” and “quick to hear” others, which leads to stronger relationships and a more peaceful life.
Scripture calls us to pursue emotional mastery and intelligence not just for our own benefit, but to honor God and serve others more effectively. The Bible teaches that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and that we are to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). By consistently focusing on self-awareness, self-regulation, and social skills, we can develop the emotional maturity that reflects Christ-like character. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can, over time, steadily improve our emotional intelligence.
How is your emotional intelligence? Mine needs constant work for sure! As we continue on this journey, Let’s all get better together!
Monette hosts a weekly podcast: Mornings with Monette. She has been a lifelong learner and and appreciates the opportunity to share what she has learned–both through her podcast and here at The Best-Life Project (based on the content of her weekly podcast). Her messages are raw, honest and straight from the heart. She lives in Albuquerque, NM with her husband Leland. They have three adult children and are enjoying living their best lives filled with travel and adventure.